Thor - The Dark World: Hard Forged Edition

[TM2YC]

Maybe SHERLOCK or DOCTOR WHO might have the night shots you require?

Sherlock Series 1 is on the top of the pile of Blu-Rays I've got to go through :-D (Don't have any modern Who BRs). Beneath it are 'Casino Royale', 'Harry Brown', 'The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus', 'V For Vendetta', 'Lock Stock' and 'Snatch' (In that order). I'm hoping I don't have to go any further than the 4.5hrs of Sherlock, to find something ('Skyfall' had nothing I noticed surprisingly).

 

[hbenthow]

You draw water from a well also. I think it sounds fine, personnal taste maybe.

But that's just the problem. When you draw water from a well, you are taking water out of the well - removing it (just like drawing out poison from a snakebite is removing the poison). "Draw out" makes it sound like he's removing the Aether's power from the Aether. Unless I missed something, he never removes the Aether's power from the Aether itself. So I don't see how it makes sense for him to say that he will "draw out" its power.

The individual words are good but they don't flow in a natural way in that sentence, to me at least.

What about these:

and rid this universe of the light which pollutes it.

and rid this universe of the light that pollutes it.

Alternately, "purge" or "cleanse" could be used instead of "rid" and "poisons" instead of "pollutes".

 

[TM2YC]

What about these:

and rid this universe of the light which pollutes it.

and rid this universe of the light that pollutes it.

Alternately, "purge" or "cleanse" could be used instead of "rid" and "poisons" instead of "pollutes".

Still not keen on that sentence, sorry. Trying to put into words why, to me, it sounds wrong is difficult.

"Draw out" makes it sound like he's removing the Aether's power from the Aether.

You argue a good case against "Draw Out" I must say. I just had a brainwave, how about...?

SCENE TWO (Rewrite 2) - Malakith Swears Revenge
01.58.20 Malakith - The Asgardians will suffer no less a fate.
02.02.12 Malakith - I will reclaim the Aether,
02.03.22 Malakith - feed on its power,
02.05.01 Malakith - and return this poisoned universe to darkness.

In other news - I've scrolled through all of Sherlock S1 (Including the pilot) and found only 3 night shots of the London Skyline. One timelapse, one with an aggressive blur filter and one with a dead body in the foreground :-D (As expected, there are a number of useable daytime shots :x). 'The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus' almost had one if I cropped it but it would then be more "sky" and not so much "line". I'll try 'Harry Brown' later today.

Anybody seen 'Fast & Furious 6'? This was shot partially in London and it strikes me as a film that would have a few shots of the skyline. Maybe 'The World's End' might have something also.

 

[TM2YC]

This 99% finished. I've gone back and double-checked and tweaked every audio transition, mixed in some additional SoundFX and adjusted a few other bits and bobs. Added fanedit credits to the end and replaced the old subtitles with the new ones.

Just need to find that night-shot of London.

 

[ThrowgnCpr]

Just need to find that night-shot of London.

What time period do you need? If recent: Torchwood has loads of aerial night shots - they used it as a transition between scenes. It's Cardiff, but maybe it will work?

 

[TM2YC]

What time period do you need? If recent: Torchwood has loads of aerial night shots - they used it as a transition between scenes. It's Cardiff, but maybe it will work?

The London skyline over the Thames is pretty recognisable featuring just a few very distinctive large buildings, The Eye, St. Pauls, Canary Wharf, The Dome, The Shard, The Gherkin*, The Palace of Westminster and The Thames itself. But I don't own any Torchwood sadly but thanks anyway.

Something that looks like this would be the ideal shot...

...but any decent evening/night shot will do really.

^ That shot is from a website that sells HD aerial stock-footage of London at £54 a pop! That's £5.40 a second! If it was £5.40 for the whole 10 seconds I'd probably just pay it for an easy life but that price is madness.

(* Especially The Gherkin as Thor and Malakith go sliding down it at one point. So a shot with that in the foreground would setup the later sequence beautifully)

 

[hbenthow]

Still not keen on that sentence, sorry. Trying to put into words why, to me, it sounds wrong is difficult.

This is one case where the original wording from the theatrical cut doesn't sound at all bad (to me, anyhow). Have you considered keeping "and put an end to this poisoned universe"?

You argue a good case against "Draw Out" I must say. I just had a brainwave, how about...?

SCENE TWO (Rewrite 2) - Malakith Swears Revenge
01.58.20 Malakith - The Asgardians will suffer no less a fate.
02.02.12 Malakith - I will reclaim the Aether,
02.03.22 Malakith - feed on its power,
02.05.01 Malakith - and return this poisoned universe to darkness.

Hmmn. Still doesn't sound quite right somehow. What about these?

call upon its power

call on its power




Will you be releasing HD versions of this edit?

 

[TM2YC]

call on its power

Will you be releasing HD versions of this edit?

"call on its power" hmmm interesting, I'll give that some thought.

1280x720 mp4 and a SD DVD I expect.

(Started working on the cutlist early because I'm always putting that off... I find it a right pain but a worthwhile one)

 

[TM2YC]

I've redone Loki's eyes turning red when he dies. This time I've carefully motion-tracked the mask on the eyes allowing me to slow fade it in across the final shot of his face. Looks much better now.

Skimmed through 'Harry Brown' last night and it's got no establishing shots of the London Skyline beyond the odd council flat and a couple shots of some bins :-D. Fingers crossed for 'Casion Royale' or 'V for Vendetta'.

Edit: V for Vendetta only had one useable night shot and it looks terribly artificial and out of character with the other location shots from Thor2...

(Obviously like every other BR I've gone through so far, it also had a perfect daylight shot of London that I don't need :x)

I'm pinning all my hopes on 'Casino Royale' now.

 

[TM2YC]

'Casino Royale' didn't have any evening shots of London either (It had day shots of course). So I might have to go with my own day-for-night efforts. I've redone it from scratch with layer-upon-layer, see what you guys think...



(^ Click to see fullsize image)

How odd does it look that we see no lights on in the buildings? Am I being over critical?

 

[ThrowgnCpr]

I think the 1st attempt actually looks more natural. Neither of them are bad though.

 

[hbenthow]

How odd does it look that we see no lights on in the buildings? Am I being over critical?

No, I don't think you're being overcritical. I think you're right. It does look rather unconvincing with no lights.

 

[addiesin]

Worst-case scenario, you could always grab a google image in super high resolution and do a Ken Burns-style pan across it.

Google results: https://www.google.com/search?q=lon...on+skyline+night&tbm=isch&tbs=isz:lt,islt:4mp

Example image: http://www.londonshoeshine.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/panoramic_cityscapes4.jpg

 

[TM2YC]

Thanks for the comments on the day-for-night shot everyone .

You know those times when you finally and completely give up on ever finding something... is just the moment when you spot it :-D:

(Password: fanedit)

^ Found that on the interweb. More perfect than I'd hoped as the shot centers on The Gherkin, nicely reminding the audience prior to Thor and Malekith crashing into it later on. It could be evening or dawn but whichever it matches the background of the next shot fairly closely. I've included a bit of the before and after so you can all see one of the ways that I've re-ordered the film and see why I needed to switch out the daylight shot of London.

 

[TM2YC]

Gonna have a view of the workprint today and see if this thing needs any final tweaking. Here is the my final version of the Dark Elves' subtitles as they currently appear in my timeline (I've changed a few words here and there to make the lines fit a little closer to the onscreen performance)...

SCENE ONE (Final Rewrite) - Dark Elves Awake
01.00.27 Malekith - The Aether wakes us, brothers.
01.03.10 Malekith - The Convergence is at hand.

SCENE TWO (Final Rewrite) - Malekith Swears Revenge
01.46.04 Malekith - Our people are nought but dust, Algrim,
01.50.13 Malekith - and our past but bitter ashes.
01.53.17 Algrim - Yet we endure and shall be avenged.
01.58.20 Malekith - The Asgardians will suffer no less a fate.
02.02.12 Malekith - I will reclaim the Aether,
02.03.22 Malekith - call on its power,
02.05.01 Malekith - and return this poisoned universe to darkness.

SCENE THREE (Final Rewrite) - Algrim's Mission
02.38.10 Algrim - The time has come my Lord.
02.46.10 Malekith - And you shall be as the stroke of midnight.
02.49.10 Algrim - I am not afraid.
02.51.22 Algrim - To join the ranks of The Kursed,
02.54.26 Algrim - is honour indeed.
03.04.12 Malekith - You will become the inferno,
03.03.07 Malekith - setting the fire that shall engulf our enemies.
03.16.24 Malekith - Burning until the flame consumes your body.
03.23.12 Algrim - Yet not before I have left Asgard but a smouldering ruin.

SCENE FOUR (Final Rewrite) - Malekith Heals
04.32.16 Algrim - Heal my Lord, heal while Asgard sleeps below us.
04.37.13 Algrim - You will awake to glory, and they to a nightmare.

SCENE FIVE (Final Rewrite) - Malekith Senses Jane
04.58.23 Algrim - The army is ready, Lord.
05.03.11 Malekith - Wait.
05.05.11 Malekith - The Aether, it is...
05.10.02 Malekith - It is gone, Algrim.
05.05.15 Malekith - It has found its way home.

SCENE SIX (Final Rewrite) - Algrim Trusts Loki
05.05.34 Algrim - He was a prisoner of Asgard,
05.37.17 Algrim - and may yet prove of some use.

...so if anybody has any new last minute suggestions, now is the time.

By the way, I mentioned this on the previous page...

Something that looks like this would be the ideal shot...

^ That shot is from a website that sells HD aerial stock-footage of London

The website I found is a company called 'Shutterstock'... and what did I see last night at the end of Thor2's credits? That's right 'Shutterstock'!

I only chanced upon the website after a Google-Image search and clicking on that image above ^ because I thought it matched the look of the other London footage in Thor2. Maybe I've got a good eye for these things... or more likely it was just a freaky coincidence :-D.

So if your budget is $170 million then guess you can afford to pay £5.40 a second for stock footage of London. Clearly I need to get into the stock footage business when you can charge those sorts of prices ;-). Mind you, according to my calculations, Thor2 cost £15,323 a second, so I guess £5.40 is small fry.

 

[emanswfan]

the website i found is a company called 'shutterstock'... And what did i see last night at the end of thor2's credits? That's right 'shutterstock'!

i only chanced upon the website after a google-image search and clicking on that image above ^ because i thought it matched the look of the other london footage in thor2. Maybe i've got a good eye for these things... Or more likely it was just a freaky coincidence :-d.

So if your budget is $170 million then guess you can afford to pay £5.40 a second for stock footage of london. Clearly i need to get into the stock footage business when you can charge those sorts of prices ;-). Mind you, according to my calculations, thor2 cost £15,323 a second, so i guess £5.40 is small fry.

:lol: That's really funny. Not entirely shocked though!

I have a subscription on VideoBlocks, and I can easily recognize many shots in there that have been used on plenty of primetime shows on ABC, CBS, NBC, etc. It's really entertaining to me.

 

[hbenthow]

01.00.27 Malekith - The Aether wakes us, brothers.
01.03.10 Malekith - The Convergence is at hand.

There isn't anything wrong with this part, per se, but I think that it could be improved by adding language that implies a return of the Convergence, so as to give it more of a theme that the Dark Elves are getting a second chance after failing to achieve their goal at the last coming of the Convergence.

01.46.04 Malekith - Our people are nought but dust, Algrim,
01.50.13 Malekith - and our past but bitter ashes.
01.53.17 Algrim - Yet we endure and shall be avenged.
01.58.20 Malekith - The Asgardians will suffer no less a fate.
02.02.12 Malekith - I will reclaim the Aether,
02.03.22 Malekith - call on its power,
02.05.01 Malekith - and return this poisoned universe to darkness.

There's something about the line "and return this poisoned universe to darkness" that's been bothering me. I think I just realized what it is. Without an adjective for "darkness", it doesn't seem very descriptive of how he considers this a cleansing. "Poisoned" being used as an adjective for the universe gets across how he considers it tainted, but simply "returning it to darkness" seems lacking when it comes to describing how he wished to purify it. What about something like these:

and return this poisoned universe to untainted darkness.

and return this poisoned universe to unblemished darkness.

and return this poisoned universe to unpolluted darkness.

and return this poisoned universe to unsullied darkness.

and return this poisoned universe to undefiled darkness.

02.38.10 Algrim - The time has come my Lord.
02.46.10 Malekith - And you shall be as the stroke of midnight.
02.49.10 Algrim - I am not afraid.
02.51.22 Algrim - To join the ranks of The Kursed,
02.54.26 Algrim - is honour indeed.
03.04.12 Malekith - You will become the inferno,
03.03.07 Malekith - setting the fire that shall engulf our enemies.
03.16.24 Malekith - Burning until the flame consumes your body.
03.23.12 Algrim - Yet not before I have left Asgard but a smouldering ruin.

As much as I like the line "To join the ranks of the Kursed is honour indeed", I don't think that the word "ranks" quite works. It implies that he's joining a present group of Kursed, and this is not the case, as he is the only one currently in existence. However, I can't currently think of a better word to use. I even tried using a thesaurus, but haven't found anything yet.

The wording sounds so perfect that it might be unavoidable to use as is, if no better word than "ranks" can be found.

 

[addiesin]

Going buck-wild here maybe with a devil's advocate suggestion-in-another-direction, but this:
02.03.22 Malekith - call on its power,
02.05.01 Malekith - and return this poisoned universe to darkness.

could also be:
wring from it purity,
a panacea for the disease of life.


You don't have to use it but I figured it's better to be constructive than merely critical of yours or hbenthow's writings. And something does sound a little funny with the line taken on its own. Perhaps in the film it doesn't come across strange at all, but I don't yet have the context to know that first-hand. However, rather than try to force it to fit, I think some good old-fashioned reiteration exercises could pull a few options to see if they're any more or less strange.

 

[TM2YC]

and return this poisoned universe to unblemished darkness.

Having two descriptive words in the sentence ^, sounds ungainly IMO. One or the other. I could perhaps lose the "poisoned" and use something like...?

02.05.01 Malekith - and return this universe to the blessed dark.

I am tempted to use...

01.00.27 Malekith - The Aether wakes us, brothers.
01.03.10 Malekith - Again The Convergence is at hand.

Wring from it purity, a panacea for the disease of life.

Fantastic words ^ . Not quite right for Malekith I feel but if this was a Victorian mystery in darkest Fog bound London I could see Professor Moriaty saying it to Holmes.

 

[hbenthow]

Having two descriptive words in the sentence ^, sounds ungainly IMO. One or the other. I could perhaps lose the "poisoned" and use something like...?

02.05.01 Malekith - and return this universe to the blessed dark.

I think "blessed darkness" works a bit better than "the blessed dark".

But I've thought of another idea. The Nine Realms feature heavily in the Thor mythos, and especially in the Convergence plotline. And one of the main definitions of "realm" is a territory ruled or reigned over by someone or something (Realm - Wikipedia). So what about a play of words with "realms" and "reign"? Here are some examples:

and banish light's noxious reign from these nine realms. * *

and from these nine realms banish light's noxious reign.


and banish light's noxious reign from these realms.

and from these realms banish light's noxious reign.


and end light's noxious reign over these realms.

and forever end light's noxious reign over these realms.


* Possibly some other word could be used instead of "banish", perhaps "purge".

* There's something about the "phrase "noxious reign" that I find particularly striking. interestingly, use of the phrase in poetry dates back at least to the 18th and 19th centuries. Examples:

"The Sun, Earth's fabric, and the bright Moon's noxious reign; the brilliant lights the skies contain." - Medieval poem, as translated by John David Chambers in 1893.

"Let Atrophy no more, With yellow visage boast her noxious reign," - Ode to Health, by Thomas Adney, 1791

"And the dark tenor of her private life Too well accorded with her noxious reign." - Marie Antoinette, by Henry Ignatius D. Ryder, 1882

http://books.google.com/books?id=Ac...CoQ6AEwAA#v=onepage&q="noxious reign"&f=false

http://books.google.com/books?id=V-...DUQ6AEwAg#v=onepage&q="noxious reign"&f=false

http://books.google.com/books?id=wK...C8Q6AEwAQ#v=onepage&q="noxious reign"&f=false

01.00.27 Malekith - The Aether wakes us, brothers.
01.03.10 Malekith - Again The Convergence is at hand.

Starting the second sentence with "Again" sounds a bit awkward somehow, IMO. I think it works better as "The Convergence is again at at hand". Some more suggestions:

The Convergence is once more at hand.

The Convergence returns once more.

The Convergence is once again at hand.