TM2YC said:
SCENE ONE (Rewrite 2) - Dark Elves Awake
01.00.27 Malakith - The Aether wakes us brothers,
01.03.10 Malakith - and The Convergence is at hand.
There needs be be a comma between "us" and "brothers". Also, there think there needs to be more cause and effect between the Convergence coming soon and the Aether awakening the Dark Elves. The word "and" almost implies that the two aren't connected - it sort of separates the two in terms of cause and effect. Perhaps "for the Convergence is at hand" instead of "and the Convergence is at hand"? Or maybe simply leave out both "and" & "for"? (The main issue is "and"). Also, since the Convergence is a repeat event that has happened before (as emphasized by the usage of "The Convergence returns" in the theatrical cut), perhaps the dialogue should reflect this. Here are some suggestions:
01.00.27 Malakith - The Aether wakes us, brothers,
01.03.10 Malakith - for the Convergence is again at hand.
01.00.27 Malakith - The Aether wakes us, brothers,
01.03.10 Malakith - for the Convergence returns once more.
01.00.27 Malakith - The Aether wakes us, brothers,
01.03.10 Malakith - for the Convergence returns anew.
SCENE TWO (Rewrite 2) - Malakith Swears Revenge
02.02.12 Malakith - I will reclaim the Aether,
02.03.22 Malakith - draw out its power,
02.05.01 Malakith - and return this poisoned universe to darkness.
(Radical alternative? 02.05.01 Malakith - and return this poisoned universe to the void.)
I think "summon" works better than "draw out". Maybe some other word (like wield) could work, but summon sounds like the best choice to me, at the time being. Some suggestions:
02.02.12 Malakith - I will reclaim the Aether,
02.03.22 Malakith - summon its power,
02.05.01 Malakith - and purge this polluted universe of light's poison.
OR - and purge this corrupted universe of light's poison.
OR - and purge this defiled universe of light's poison.
SCENE THREE (Rewrite 2) - Algrim's Mission
02.38.10 Algrim - The time has come my Lord.
02.46.10 Malakith - And you shall be as the stroke of midnight.
02.49.10 Algrim - I am not afraid.
02.51.22 Algrim - To join the ranks of The Kursed,
02.54.26 Algrim - is honour indeed.
"To join the ranks of the Kursed is honour indeed" works beautifully. But what about replacing "I am not afraid" with "I will gladly give my life" (or something similar)? It illustrates what is going to happen a bit more clearly than the somewhat vague "I am not afraid", and also further demonstrates his willingness (possibly even eagerness) to become a Kursed. I think it meshes very well with the dialogue that follows. On another note, I'm not sure there needs to be a comma between "Kursed" and "is honour indeed". Here's my suggestion:
02.38.10 Algrim - The time has come my Lord.
02.46.10 Malakith - And you shall be as the stroke of midnight.
02.49.10 Algrim - I will gladly give my life.
02.51.22 Algrim - To join the ranks of The Kursed
02.54.26 Algrim - is honour indeed.
In other news - I'm seriously considering totally removing the scene of Loki coming back to life. I had banished it to a post credits sequence, where it always should have been in the theatrical cut. I was was pretty happy with it but looking at it once more I've realised that it shows Odin's throne as broken again, which creates a rather large continuity error.
Would this put anyone off if I went "off canon" and left Loki as dead. We'll probably be shown how Loki survived again in Thor3/Avengers2 anyway.
I think that you should keep it as an after-credits scene. As others have pointed out, it is established at this point that Loki is alive, and without a scene showing (or at least hinting) that he is alive, it would look like a retcon if he shows up in another movie (which he probably will).
In the theatrical cut the Loki-on-throne shot showed he had presumptively murdered Odin and that Odin's finally emotional scene with Thor (Which I thought was the one time Hopkins nailed it) was really fake.
I'm not certain that the implication is necessarily that he murdered Odin. That's what I thought when I first saw the scene, but the more I thought about it, more I was convinced that Odin might still be alive. There are a few hints throughout the movie that Odin seems to be strained and maybe in bad health (he even acted like he had heart problems in one scene). I think that when "the guard" (Loki) showed up and informed him of Loki's "death", it was the last straw, and he went into the Odin-sleep. Loki left him alive, but locked him away in some obscure place where Heimdall couldn't see. While quite a few online articles have misquoted Anthony Hopkins and Alan Taylor to say that Odin is definitely dead, Hopkins actually said that he didn't know, and Alan Taylor appears to have been talking about the decision to "kill" Loki. Kevin Feige gave a vague answer, neither confirming nor denying Odin's death.
However, dead or not, I do agree that it felt disappointing when Odin morphed into Loki at the end. The scene between Thor and Odin was great, and revealing that it was actually Loki ruined it.
^ Exactly my feelings. Since you thought the same thing, I'll cut the monster.
I agree that the clip with the monster feels very out of place in your post-credits scene. However, is there any way you could include it somewhere in the movie? It's an amusing little clip and I'd hate to see it go. I had assumed that you would be using it in the ending, right after Thor came back to Earth and reunited with Jane. I could understand why you would leave it out of that part if you think the humor would ruin the emotion of the scene (although I personally think it works quite nicely - a happy/romantic reunion, then a little bit of humor to finish the movie on light note). Maybe it could be spliced in as a mid-credits scene somehow? (There can maybe be two mid-credits scenes - the monster, and the Collector scene). I thought it might fit after the London battle, right after the planes come back to Earth, but rewatched the scene (the one with the planes, that is), and decided it probably wouldn't work well.
Nic said:
Also, I make one more attempt to add in the deleted scenes (sans the Malekith and Captain America ones). I know you said that most of them slow the film down, but one critique I heard about the film is that there are no moments that don't necessarily forward the plot, but allow the film to breath, like Volstagg relating a tale or Thor and Jane actually talking about Frigga's death.
I agree - some of the deleted scenes really add to the movie, even if they do slow the pacing a bit. Some don't add all that much (such as the scene with Thor fighting guards, although I did like his "no killing" line), but some of them add a little depth and some "breathing room". My favorite of the deleted scenes is the one where Thor and Frigga talk about Loki, although that one is unfortunately in a visually unfinished state. It helps add some depth to the Frigga/Loki relationship, and the added screentime between Frigga and Thor adds to the movie, IMO. The scene with Volstagg telling a story is a nice, humorous little scene that lets the audience get to know the Warriors Three a little better. There's something about scenes like that, where the characters are just having a good time together, that I like. It's like the movie is giving the audience a little moment to just have some fun with the characters.
TM2YC said:
SCENE FOUR (Rewrite) - Malakith Heals
04.32.16 Algrim - Heal my Prince, heal while The Asgardians sleep below us.
04.37.13 Algrim - When you wake, they will awake to a nightmare.
I understand your reason for using the word "Prince", but I think it makes more sense in context for Algrim to call Malekith "Lord" than "Prince". Also, while I was reading this, an interesting idea for how to poetically link Asgard's metaphorical sleep with Malekith's sleep popped into my head. Here are a few different ways I thought of:
04.32.16 Algrim - Heal my Lord, heal while the Asgardians sleep below us.
04.37.13 Algrim - You will awake to glory, and they to a nightmare.
04.32.16 Algrim - Heal my Lord, heal while Asgard sleeps below us.
04.37.13 Algrim - You will awake to glory, and they to a nightmare.
04.32.16 Algrim - Heal my Lord, heal while Asgard sleeps below us.
04.37.13 Algrim - You will awake to glory, and Asgard to a nightmare.
Some other word could possibly be used instead of "glory". Maybe "victory"?
SCENE FIVE (Rewrite) - Malakith Senses Jane
04.58.23 Algrim - The army is ready Lord.
05.03.11 Malakith - Wait,
05.05.11 Malakith - The Aether, it has...
05.10.02 Malakith - It's gone Algrim.
05.05.15 Malakith - It has found its way home.
There needs to be a comma between "The army is ready" and "Lord". It might be better to put a period or an exclamation point instead of a comma after "Wait", as periods and exclamation points "read" as more decisive than a comma, which would better match the authoritative manner in the spoken dialogue with which he says the single word that is translated as "No" in the theatrical cut. Also, maybe an explanation point after "It has found its way home" would work well.
There needs to be a comma between "It's Gone" and "Algrim". But in any case, "It's gone" doesn't seem right. The Aether might be gone from Asgard, but to Malekith, it is coming home, so it seems odd that "It's gone" would be his choice of words. What about something like this?
04.58.23 Algrim - The army is ready, Lord.
05.03.11 Malakith - Wait.
05.05.11 Malakith - The Aether, it has...
05.10.02 Malakith - It has forsaken Asgard.
05.05.15 Malakith - It has found its way home!
There also might be something a bit better than the "The Aether, it has" line (preferably something a little longer to match the spoken dialogue) but I can't think of anything right now.