The Emotional Support Thread

[MovieFreakedMind]

My health is and always has been a rollercoaster, and it declined suddenly again recently. Normally it wouldn't be a problem since I'm so used to it, but I'm supposed to put in some high stakes appearances at work in a couple of days. I'm worried that I'll be unable to present myself well enough to make an impression, or even be too ill to make it in at all.

 

[Possessed]

Are you eating? I know you've said before that alot of your illness is caused from malnourishment because you don't eat.

 

[ssj]

+1 for gaith's advice. handman, having a goal in mind and working toward that goal sounds super-healthy.

to gaith: you'll like health care. i work in that field as well (been in it for more than 20 years), and what i really like is that the humanity is baked into the job—every day i do something tangibly good for others. and this has made me a better person. and i look back at my angst-filled, existential dread of my youth; i have zero of that at this point in my life, and that's because i found my purpose.

there are many paths in life that can be just as rewarding or more, but this path has worked for me.

 

[Handman]

Are you eating? I know you've said before that alot of your illness is caused from malnourishment because you don't eat.

As someone who also doesn't eat much, and forgets to eat some days, please eat.

 

[MovieFreakedMind]

A lot of times I don't eat because I don't feel good, so it's like a cycle.

 

[Possessed]

Why don't you go ahead and stop by the pizza thread and we'll help you put an end to that cycle.

 

[Handman]

Everybody feeling alright lately?

...I'm not.  Big surprise.  Usual stuff.  It's first world problems, I guess, but I can never shake it.  I can't connect to anyone.  I'm just utterly alone, and my attempts to change that always backfire or are unappreciated.

I decided that at a group gathering, I'd get everyone a present.  I have a few things lying about I know a few people would love, and I'd get everyone a personalized card.  But I know I won't get anything in return.  And I don't mean presents.  Just a genuine thanks... a smile or a hug.  That's all I want.

 

[suspiciouscoffee]

I'm sorry you feel that way, Handy.  For what it's worth, I'd give you a hug.

I'm mostly all right.  I have a boyfriend now, and he's great.  We had one date planned, but in the end he spent just about the whole weekend with me, so that was fun.  He lives farther away from me than I'd like, but not too bad.  I'm of course worried about being caught and outed (and I hate that I'm so committed to this stupid username that I'm a google search away from being ruined, but whatever), but I'm still relatively safe for now (as long as I wear a scarf for at least the next week...).

School's going well.  I have finals next week, but I'm not too worried about them.  My brother, however, is struggling a lot more than I expected him to be.  He apparently also has depression/anxiety/whoknowswhatelse like I do.  He's on meds now, so we're both in that boat.  I never really expected to ever have to worry for my brother.  I kinda didn't realize I cared about him enough.  I sure as hell don't trust him with anything.  It's a weird feeling.

Lets see, what else...

I took a bit of a break from my autobiographical* screenplay, but I think I'll take it back up tonight or tomorrow.  It's shit, and I don't think I'll be sharing it anywhere publicly until I'm done, though I have shared some of it with some friends, so if any of you just really wanna read the 8 or so pages I have so far, shoot me a PM.

*I've made an edgy joke before (maybe on here, maybe not) that it's not really autobiographical because I've never "really" lived, but that's dumb.

 

[Duragizer]

I'm sorry you feel that way, Handy.  For what it's worth, I'd give you a hug.

Likewise.

 

[Handman]

I'm mostly all right.  I have a boyfriend now, and he's great.  We had one date planned, but in the end he spent just about the whole weekend with me, so that was fun.  He lives farther away from me than I'd like, but not too bad.  I'm of course worried about being caught and outed (and I hate that I'm so committed to this stupid username that I'm a google search away from being ruined, but whatever), but I'm still relatively safe for now (as long as I wear a scarf for at least the next week...).

School's going well.  I have finals next week, but I'm not too worried about them.  My brother, however, is struggling a lot more than I expected him to be.  He apparently also has depression/anxiety/whoknowswhatelse like I do.  He's on meds now, so we're both in that boat.  I never really expected to ever have to worry for my brother.  I kinda didn't realize I cared about him enough.  I sure as hell don't trust him with anything.  It's a weird feeling.


I took a bit of a break from my autobiographical* screenplay, but I think I'll take it back up tonight or tomorrow.

I'm glad you've found someone to share your life with, even under the present circumstances.  And the concern you have for your family is admirable, it's something I'm beginning to lose.  And no matter how the screenplay turns out (and if it's your first, it probably is shit, that's just the way it goes) the important part is that you're doing it, and will improve from the experience.  What would you say is your greatest motivation/inspiration in writing it?

 

[suspiciouscoffee]

Thank you.  It's my first attempt at a feature, as I've written some (lame) shorts before.  My main motivations are really that I have a lot of feelings, and in the past I've tried to get them out through genre stories, but I'm just not a good enough storyteller for that, so I'm trying to just get things out there.  That and to quote the writer character from the film Stalker, "A man writes because he is tormented.  Because he doubts.  He needs to constantly prove to himself and to the others that he is worth something."

 

[Duragizer]

"A man writes because he is tormented.  Because he doubts.  He needs to constantly prove to himself and to the others that he is worth something."

That quote strongly resonates for me, too.

Which reminds me — I should get around to watching another Tarkovsky film soon.

 

[suspiciouscoffee]

"A man writes because he is tormented.  Because he doubts.  He needs to constantly prove to himself and to the others that he is worth something."

Which reminds me — I should get around to watching another Tarkovsky film sometime soon.

As should I.  Then again, with such a tragically small oeuvre, perhaps its best I save some for the future.  Something to look forward to.  I have only two films left.  Three if you count that there are multiple versions of Andrei Rublev and I think he has more student films than just the one that I've seen.  Still...

 

[Rogue-theX]

Everybody feeling alright lately?

...I'm not.  Big surprise.  Usual stuff.  It's first world problems, I guess, but I can never shake it.  I can't connect to anyone.  I'm just utterly alone, and my attempts to change that always backfire or are unappreciated.

I decided that at a group gathering, I'd get everyone a present.  I have a few things lying about I know a few people would love, and I'd get everyone a personalized card.  But I know I won't get anything in return.  And I don't mean presents.  Just a genuine thanks... a smile or a hug.  That's all I want.

There's only a few people online that I can talk with via PM anymore, if I make posts in the forums and someone responds I tend to get stuck and not post anything back, other than that there is mom and the dog, which is definitely better than no one. I would like to talk to real people but I can't start a conversation myself, and when someone else starts a conversation for me I can only say the most basic responses before the conversation is done but during the "conversation" my anxiety really kicks in so I can't be invested in whatever the conversation is about.


But I'll go ahead and make you a bet, that at least 1 of those people that you give a present to will give you either a smile or a hug or a thanks. If I win you have to draw me something, if no one gives you a smile, hug or thanks I'll  draw you something. HIGH STAKES!

 

[Handman]

I'm in much the same situation.  The only way I can have a conversation is if I just don't care about the other person, but well, that's no good, and just makes me sad.  I'll take that bet.

 

[Jrzag42]

The trick is to befriend someone who's persistent, will message you every morning even if you don't respond to them, and won't hold it against you when you don't talk to them for a while, but will also eventually motivate you to talk more, etc. The only thing is, I've never met anyone like that, though I have been that role to some friends, who seem to appreciate it. But maybe I don't know what I'm talking about. 

I want to be everyone's friend here, and I'm always here to talk to if anyone just feels the need to talk about whatever. I want help in any way I can.

 

[Handman]

I've definitely been in that role... a lot, but I don't think it's appreciated.

 

[Jrzag42]

I suppose it depends on the person. But also I never feel like it's appreciated except for the rare occasion when they've gone out if their way to acknowledge it. But now that I think about it, I suppose only one person in particular has acknowledged it.
I don't know.
I've felt a bit out of touch with my friends lately, I'm sure there's a bit of me misinterpreting how meaningful my attempts at communication actually are.
But I don't know.

 

[Handman]

I suppose the only thing that can be said is that at least we're trying.  Maybe we're spending our time on the wrong people, or maybe feeling a bit unappreciated every now and again is worth the joys they bring us.  I don't know.  But, it's something.

 

[Ryantology]

Much like jrwhag42 said, I'm genuinely here if anyone ever needs to chat about anything even though I'm relatively new to the community. I actually started fan editing a year ago because I had a nervous breakdown brought on by severe depression and anxiety. I was forced to take a medical leave from work and had too much time to think which was the last thing I wanted. Editing has always been calming to me so here I am, four fanedits in. I think it's amazing that this is a thread.