Steel of Man. Restructured, Regraded, Rekindled!

[tremault]

OK all, I have my first draft!!

I'm currently rendering, but I'm happy with my work so far.

I've covered most of what I've done with it. I can summarise some things better though.
It seems clearer to me that Clark is following in his dad's footsteps and is still hurting over his death. Zod is a one track character, he is committed to his true purpose. He will not stop. I feel it is quite apparent that Zod reminds Clark of how he couldn't save his dad from the tornado. The relationship between Lois and Clark is accentuated. The Kryptonians are scary. The military are present but they do not overstay their welcome. The story beats between the colonel and Faora are still present if you look for them, but it is subtle. The plight of the citizens in metropolis under fire is largely removed. Perry White's heroics really needed to go, but I love those sequences so much, I reinstated them in "the Ballad of Perry White" as a mid credits scene. I have removed the vast majority of instances where Clark is reckless and causes damage. Most major damage is caused by the antagonists.

Duration is 106 mins.

I'm now seeking previewers.

please consider viewing and feeding back to me all issues that you notice. I really need a fresh pair of eyes and any help will be most appreciated.


On a personal note, This was a heck of an aggressive and extensive edit. It seems like I got more ambitious on each film I've done so far.

 

[Nic]

Ooh, count me in for the preview watch!

 

[ArtisDead]

I agree with Lantern51. I feel the pain.

 

[tremault]

Ooh, count me in for the preview watch!

Many thanks! It's just finished uploading, I'll send you a link.

I've been watching through properly and I have to be honest, I'm a bit dismayed, it seems resolve has broken some of my audio mixes. I don't understand why it does that sometimes. Might have to manually mix some clips.

 

[Editzilla]

I'm more than willing to give it a preview.

 

[tremault]

I'm more than willing to give it a preview.

Much appreciated! I'll message you now

 

[VortexUnlimited]

If you'd like another previewer I'd love to volunteer, otherwise I'll put myself in line for a v2.0 or final

 

[tremault]

If you'd like another previewer I'd love to volunteer, otherwise I'll put myself in line for a v2.0 or final

thank you so much! I'll send it to you now. all different opinions are mega useful!!

 

[tremault]

Ok first notes from first bit of feedback (thank you ) and my own thoughts.

I'll be reducing the amount of time Clark is shown during the Oil Rig scene.
I'll be reducing the amount of time for 'the kiss'. It doesn't feel earned. They hardly have any interaction through the movie and I can't think of any good way to fix that.

I've been adding intertitles to locations and times. It was completely necessary for locations, but it really helps the flashbacks to be more apparent, because they felt flimsy to me and I had no good linking shots. Maybe there is a better solution but for now, I like it. I also think it's good because I had no idea Metropolis was in Delaware and it's a huge distance from Smallville. Also, didn't know the scout ship was found on Ellesmere Island. Without the military dudes in there, there was nobody explicitly saying the world engine landed in the Indian ocean. It never really stood out to me that Clark is actually 33 years old and his dad died when he was 17!! Also was quite shocked to discover Lois tracked him down in just 10 days, and the oil rig incident was only a week before the scout ship.

edit:

less kiss

intertitles

 

[lantern51]

Ok first notes from first bit of feedback (thank you ) and my own thoughts.

I'll be reducing the amount of time Clark is shown during the Oil Rig scene.
I'll be reducing the amount of time for 'the kiss'. It doesn't feel earned. They hardly have any interaction through the movie and I can't think of any good way to fix that.

I've been adding intertitles to locations and times. It was completely necessary for locations, but it really helps the flashbacks to be more apparent, because they felt flimsy to me and I had no good linking shots. Maybe there is a better solution but for now, I like it. I also think it's good because I had no idea Metropolis was in Delaware and it's a huge distance from Smallville. Also, didn't know the scout ship was found on Ellesmere Island. Without the military dudes in there, there was nobody explicitly saying the world engine landed in the Indian ocean. It never really stood out to me that Clark is actually 33 years old and his dad died when he was 17!! Also was quite shocked to discover Lois tracked him down in just 10 days, and the oil rig incident was only a week before the scout ship.

edit:

less kiss

intertitles

I really like the intertitles, but make the font more noticeable. I didn't catch it at first.

I don't know if this is doable without trying it, but just a idea. Could you make it so the explosion hits just before they kiss and then make it look like they are looking away when they hear it? Then the kiss doesn't happen at all? Again, not 100% sure how that would look and/or work.

 

[tremault]

Thanks for the feedback. I'll increase the prominence of the drop shadow on the text.

The main source of difficulty with editing this movie is the audio mix. I'd edited out a fair bit more but I couldn't find any way to rearrange the existing audio and mix it well. Audio is really my biggest weakness. I don't have a good audio situation so I'm relying on the existing audio mixes in the movies I edit, rebuilding it myself is way too stressful for me. Aside from that, these guys are way too obvious with making eyes at each other. in any of the scenes that they do spend together, it's pretty 'charged'... So the kiss is sort of warranted, if it's framed as two horny buggers who just survived a brush with death. I feel like with the shorter time it feels more like a 'roll your eyes' moment?

edit: looking at it though... I think I can get away with trimming a bit more. I'll try it tomorrow.

 

[lantern51]

Thanks for the feedback. I'll increase the prominence of the drop shadow on the text.

The main source of difficulty with editing this movie is the audio mix. I'd edited out a fair bit more but I couldn't find any way to rearrange the existing audio and mix it well. Audio is really my biggest weakness. I don't have a good audio situation so I'm relying on the existing audio mixes in the movies I edit, rebuilding it myself is way too stressful for me. Aside from that, these guys are way too obvious with making eyes at each other. in any of the scenes that they do spend together, it's pretty 'charged'... So the kiss is sort of warranted, if it's framed as two horny buggers who just survived a brush with death. I feel like with the shorter time it feels more like a 'roll your eyes' moment?

edit: looking at it though... I think I can get away with trimming a bit more. I'll try it tomorrow.

I see what you mean. That does make sense. When you point it out like that, I don't think it needs anymore work than what you did to it already.
If there is a specific moment that you feel you can't get the way you want it because of audio rebuild, let me know and I can try to rebuild the audio and send it to you if you want. I have a tendency to torture myself that way lol. Or if there's anything else you feel I may be able to help with let me know! Supporting each other is what I love most about being on here.

 

[lantern51]

Thanks for the feedback. I'll increase the prominence of the drop shadow on the text.

That should do it!

 

[tremault]

I see what you mean. That does make sense. When you point it out like that, I don't think it needs anymore work than what you did to it already.
If there is a specific moment that you feel you can't get the way you want it because of audio rebuild, let me know and I can try to rebuild the audio and send it to you if you want. I have a tendency to torture myself that way lol. Or if there's anything else you feel I may be able to help with let me know! Supporting each other is what I love most about being on here.

Thank you so much! I might take you up on that offer, I have a couple of audio transitions that I specifically struggled with.

 

[tremault]

Some transitions that were indicated as being problematic.
Here are my attempts to revise what I think was the issue with them.

This one, I believe acted like a jump cut. To attempts a fix, I have used stock footage and audio of traffic to ease into the scene.

This one, I believe it is problematic because Clark is in Focus and Pete is not. I wanted the attention to be on Pete and is why I reframed it. In order to combat the issue, I have blurred Clark's face and graded that part of the frame to be in shadow.

This was indicated as problematic but it's not actually my cut! I can try to alleviate any issue with it though. I think it was possibly acting like a jump cut due to the very similar layout and tone, but with no obvious eye catch when moving from lois' face to empty sky. In order to alleviate this, I reframed so the 'Smallville' watertower is in the line of sight after the cut.

 

[tremault]

It seems I mistook some of the feedback and got the wrong transitions.

This one was pointed out. It was possibly the audio, so I did some layering with some stock sound effects. I do think it improves the transition.

Another transition was pointed out, it was the transition from the oil rig. It's that bit of music that plays during Lois' search montage. I have listened to the soundtrack to try and find it and been unable to locate it. Does anyone know that that track is?

 

[Editzilla]

Well, just watched it today. Overall, liked the beginning but the second half still suffered from Snyder's loud, obnoxious fight scenes. Still, you definitely did the best you could. As for the edited color scheme, it looked good with the exception of some scenes but even they weren't too bad.

Also, not the biggest fan of the whole title "Steel Of Man", sounds just wrong. Maybe something more simple like "Kal-El"?

Here are some other notes (some may already be fixed from previous feedback from other users):

For the opening logo, maybe make the Legendary logo normal so that it doesn't look like totally tinted red, and with the DC logo make the C part completly white so that it can stand out more.

Odd fade transition at 4:35. Maybe just have it be a smash cut?

Maybe also just remove the dramatic scream from Lois? I dunno, just always thought it was over-the-top and "OOOHHHH, WE SERIOUS" at least in terms of execution.

Around the 9:10 mark, maybe add an establishing shot of the sea so that Lois' line can end before you move onto the boat scene? As it is right now, seems too abrupt.

I'd say remove the Clark shot from 10:26 as it looks much too zoomed in. Go from the shot of the tower going down to the wide shot.

And remove the abs shot when he holds up the tower as much like the previous shot, it looks weird cropped and we don't see his face so having a front shot is kinda pointless.

14:56 mark, Clark's line isn't transitioning well to the flashback. Not sure though how you can fix it.

Remove "That's my name", Henry's delivery makes it less like "Is that my real name?" and more like "Yeah, that's my name".

I'd say keep the silver/grey filter for the entire Krypton flashback and cut it down a tad bit. As it is, it feels too long for a flashback like it's suppose to be. Just keep the bare essentals and what Jor-El brought up in the original cut.

For the end of the whole backstory flashback with Martha, have Clark's line "I know where I come from" be over the end of it and then fade back to present day. As it is now, there's dead space in the audio.

Probably not anything you can do, but man is the lens flair bbadddd when Superman surrenders for Lois

I feel like the transition from the interrigation room to out in the desert was a bit too abrupt

Maybe remove some of Lois' "Healp him!" when Clark is adjusting to the Kryptonian ship's atmosphere? Makes her seem a bit too (for lack of a better term) whimpy.

Remove Zod's flashback to being imprisoned since it doesn't really show anything else besides what he tells Clark. Also it would get rid of the ham that is Michael Shannon's delivery of "I WILL FIND HIM" and as much of the......phalic pods as possible

Again, not sure if you can do this but maybe remove the sea of skulls? It's just so stupid. Maybe a quick montage of what would happen with footage from world-ending films with voice-over?

Shorten the whole T-Pose (i mean "brilliant Christ allegory"), maybe just have him exit and then smash cut when he turns around?

Remove Zod yelling "WHERE IS THE CODEX". Again, Shannon hamming it up.

Remove the shot of the farm towers at 1:03:02 and just have it go straight from Clark going down on the ground

Remove the dramatic shot of Zod in front of the destroyed 7-Eleven and just have go from Zod standing up to walking toward Clark from behind

Remove Clark saying "Focus, you're getting everything", feels weird for him to basically say "Hey, you're getting all these powers that will cause more death and destruction!"

At 1:06:54, there's a harsh cut in the audio from the soldiers yelling to the next scene

1:08:37, odd harsh audio cut between the scenes

Possible to remove the lens flare after the guy says "No" around 1:14:21?

Harsh music cut at 1:17:58 and 1:18:10

Coughing SFX at 1:18:21 sticks out way too much, understand the intention but it does not blend well at all.

1:19:41, hard audio cut.

1:19:55, coughing SFX again. Honestly it comes off as comedic

Remove the cliche "twice the man you are line" from Jor-El's ghost to Zod

1:21:58, hard audio cut

1:22:14, ibid

Remove the guy saying "Northcom....", line is cut way too early

1:24:11, audio cut but not as harsh as other ones

Remove the whole "Krypton had it's chance!" line. Enough with your edginess, Snyder..

Remove the dramatic stare-off with Faora and the army guy

Also remove Faora's head tilt from seeing the plane about to crash into the Krypton ship

Remove Zod's whole "I WILL ERADICATE HUMANS" and "ON A FAHRM" spiels, have him be basically silent with rage throughout the finale. More menacing that way and might imply that, since he was only born to protect Krypton, loosing his race made him lost whatever humanity he may have had (least just a thought).

As for the neck snap, maybe have Zod already start blasting his eye beams close to the family and make the neck snap a knee-jerk reaction from Clark? With the flashbacks to the tornado, you could have it where he freaked from his PTSd of the event being triggered

Remove the flashback to Clark wearing a Red Cape, doesn't really make sense for Clark to dress up as Superman when he doesn't even really exists yet (poorly executed foreshadowing on Snyder's part). Though maybe repurpose it to another kid being inspired by Superman?

Have the whole "Perils of Perry White" segment be a separate short instead of a post-credit scene. Like Marvel's One-Shot.

Also, speaking of repurposing the aforementioned Red Cape scene, maybe use the beginning phone scene from the theatrical Justice League and combine those two with a montage in the end of Superman doing heroic acts (possibly from Superman and Lois) to show how he's inspiring people? As well as Clark showing up at the Daily Planet.
(Know that JL scene has the controversial "Deepfake lip", but it honestly didn't bother me and you could always use one of the "fixed" versions on YouTube)

 

[tremault]

Thank you so much for the detailed feedback!! I know from a cursory glance that I may not agree with al your points, but I will seriously consider every one.

I'll write some notes as I go and will post later.

edit: how does 'Steel of Man' sit with everyone else? I thought it was a clever way to show I'm going for a reversal of many aspects of the original and I felt it also worked using 'steel' in it.s emotional sense, and focusing on the fact this is a human quality rather than the cold sense of a man made of metal.

 

[tremault]

Okay, I've studied and here are my notes and responses.

The idea of rotoscoping that legendary logo is making me break out in a sweat. I'm not sure that's on the cards... ^^;
For the transition to the boat scene, I'm thinking I can use an insert shot of a close up of the Debbie Sue behind Lois.
I've already removed some shots of Clark on the oil rig. The abs shot though, I personally like it. Putting that aside for a moment... the shots that exist, cutting back to the chopper after the shot of his back would be abrupt. I feel like the length of the shot equates to the strength of him as a pillar. a short shot feels like a thin pillar, a longer shot feels like a thick pillar. Maybe that's weird, but that's how it feels to me.
"My father believed, that if the world found out who I really was..." Yes, this transition was a hard one. I spent a lot of time on this. The original edit presents his father as super paranoid to the point of cruelty. Let the kids drown?? what? tell Clark to let him die? what? It was a tough challenge to remould that. So this line.... how to do this... it's like in a comic, the final part of the line has these ellipses ... when it leads into a flashback. Do I just need a bit more of a delay? maybe bring in some prominent sound effects of a kansas farm?
I agree the Krypton sequence is very long. I do enjoy the sequence so I'm tempted not to touch it, but it is long. I also love how the colour looks so I'm reluctant to remove that too. I'll watch it through a few times and consider cuts. The scuffle in the corridor is one part I don't like. Maybe there's too much 'flying on dragons' too.
The end of the learn to fly sequence certainly is quiet... yes. I'm thinking I just transition earlier and layer some stock audio of the farm. I don't want to lose the visual of Clark saying that line as it would look weird transitioning into a pan onto Martha's face.
"help him" I see what you mean, but that audio would be hard to rebuild and I don't find it too egregious.
I really love the lighting and colour in the trial sequence. It would solve some other issues if it were removed though. This would be a painful sacrifice for me to remove but I'll consider it. I also love Michael Shannon's performance in this movie so we're disagreeing on a lot of what you say about him ^^;
I honestly never saw any christ allegory! Interesting. Personally, I always saw that scene as the same as swimming. I've done that manouevre myself many times in the pool XD
I actually did try removing the farm towers before, but the trajectory of their movement didn't match. without the towers, it didn't appear that they had enough height to come down at that angle.
The bit where Clark says 'Focus'... that is the result of a lot of work too. The original lines were delivered in a rather aggressive display by Clark. This sequence was one of the parts that was very out of character for Superman so I flipped it this way. The issue was the lack of footage showing Clark in the least aggressive way. He had a really nasty sneer in some shots. This shot was one of the best compromises to show him standing up, so there is continuity when he gets shot by the ship. I chose audio that fit with a more honourable attitude. instead of jeering at Zod, about how he had learnt his focus, he is instead giving him a fair chance, so he isn't fighting a helpless man.
I'm afraid I don't think I can remove any lens flair. Those shots are changing their angle from the actors in a very subtle way, even if it is subtle, if I cloned previous frames, it would look weird, like a cardboard cutout.
The coughing is a little strange XD I think the audio is too complex there for it to be worth it though. I don't find it to be too bad.
I had previously removed Faora 'noticing' the colonel, but that sequence was a mess for a while. in the end, this was the best solution. previously I had the aeroplane crashing into the Black Zero but no obvious reason why. it felt weird and confusing. In the end, it felt like a better compromise to rstore a tiny bit of that rivalvry and restore him steering the plane down. That shot of him pushing the flight stick, clearly shows him doing it, No real way to reframe it, so there had to be something. In the end, that little rivalry gives a better feel for it as instead of staring out the window like a dumb idiot, she looks at him as if to say "you swine". It just wasn't working without this.
In the final flashback, I don't feel like Clark is dressing 'as superman' Capes were common throughout history. He could be playing as any number of historical figures he considers to be heroic. I did actually do a lot of work adding stuff into the end sequence, specifically heroic sequences from Batman vs Superman, but it really wasn't working. I eventually realised that the pacing of the ending actually works well for me.
I like having the Ballad of Perry White in the credits. I like the idea that it's contained, doesn't require extra upload or download, and it's 'in' the movie. It pained me to remove lawrence Fishburne's performances, so this way he is still in there. I understand where you're coming from and I had considered doing it that way, but I felt like it doesn't stand on it's own, it feels better as a supplement.
Thanks for a full documentation of the audio issues. I don't understand what happened, it's like a ton of my audio mixes just disappeared. I must have done something that caused it, I'll need to be more careful.

 

[stevepaynter]

Thank you so much for the detailed feedback!! I know from a cursory glance that I may not agree with al your points, but I will seriously consider every one.

I'll write some notes as I go and will post later.

edit: how does 'Steel of Man' sit with everyone else? I thought it was a clever way to show I'm going for a reversal of many aspects of the original and I felt it also worked using 'steel' in it.s emotional sense, and focusing on the fact this is a human quality rather than the cold sense of a man made of metal.

Loving how this edit is turning out so far and been big fan of your Marvel edits.

I have to agree with Editzilla, the title 'Steel of Man' sound and looks a bit off. I would just keep the original title Man of Steel as everyone know this is Superman. I don't know if a title change is necessary personally.