[Perhaps but I much prefer super slowmo dream Rachel with the Wallace voice-over, to uncanny-valley real Rachel. At this stage I'm just tightening up the editing but I'd certainly like to trim this scene down heavily. Having an up to 8-minute slow dialogue scene right in the middle of the finale (just as it's ramping up) is very odd pacing wise IMO.]
My thoughts exactly. It's already a slow movie, and this is a part that especially drags toward the end. One too many slow-going scenes, and by this point I was more so just waiting for the movie to be over with (at least on 2nd viewing and beyond).
This is all a big part of the reason I cut a lot from the 2nd Wallace scene myself, and even trimmed down the comic-book battle with Luv. Was hoping for something more profound like with Batty, but instead an otherwise elegant and ambiant Blade Runner film suddenly becomes a generic action flick.
Eye Edit
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I think what you have here with the eye closing makes more sense than the original film since when we first see Gosling he is asleep.
That said, in the original Blade Runner I can see the eye being connected to Leon's Voight Kampf, but in 2049 there's really no reason to flash it except to do the same thing as in the original. The closed eye-lid also appears more ugly than the opened blue eye.
I might end up trimming through it myself, or at least only displaying the open eye for a few seconds.
Pairing with original music
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I considered doing this as well, but decided the original music didn't match with the newer setting of the farms and solar energy stations(?) in daylight. I at least couldn't help but think of the original scene at night with all the lights.
All the same, this is a great job of editing, and a nice just-for-fun scene to see. Maybe that would make for a good YouTube post!