jrWHAG42 said:
I hate myself so much. I hate everything that I do, the lack of things I do, the things I say, and I always feel like a nuisance to everyone.
I feel weird liking this... so I'll reply instead.
It's not like we know eachother very well, but from what I've read from you/the small communication I've had from you, you seem like a pretty good guy. You're polite when asking for edits, we've had some good laughs on the Discord, and I enjoy reading your ideas and Scribbling Thread.
I totally get how you feel, though, man. I've been there. Since I was ~12 I've struggled with depression, I got close to killing myself a few times but fought against it. A little over a year ago I was sitting on the edge of a bridge, not ready to fall off, but hoping I'd lose balance. While I wouldn't say I
hated myself, I was certainly unhappy with my life and what I was doing with it.
I can't quite say why I didn't go down that night, but, for some reason, I stood up and walked home. Burned the note I left on my bed, and carried on with my life. It didn't get better right then, I had some shit going on with a relationship that made things get a lot worse for a bit, and it still isn't better now. But I feel pretty good now.
I still don't wanna get out of bed every morning. But it's no longer because every night I wished I'd stay asleep. I'm just tired cause I stayed up too late. I still feel bad when I don't do well, when I get rejected, or when people talk shit. But it's no longer this infinite sadness that keeps me restless. I used to zone out a lot and start contemplating my existence - when I say "a lot" I mean a few times an hour, in school, at home, out with friends, wherever. Some days it's hard, but most days I'm alright now.
I'm not trying to hijack your thoughts or make some cringy speech, although I've just done both... But I just figured since we're around the same age, and we obviously share some interests as we're both on here, I'd tell you what's going on with me, let you know you're not alone, and if you keep living life, no matter how hard it seems, it'll get better.
Though, maybe you're too young to understand. Maybe you'll get it when you've matured as I have.