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The Emotional Support Thread

Jrzag42

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@"macmilln" thank you, I really appreciate it. I'm feeling better now. It's not an ever looming presence, I just get these bursts of depression randomly. Anyways, for the short time I've known you, I've enjoyed your presence. You seem pretty cool, and I'm glad things are better for you.
I've often thought of hurting myself, but never came close to doing anything, we're different in that regard, and part of me wants to say that because of that, you have it worse and I have no right to complain. But obviously that's not the intent, and I shouldn't think that way. Thank you for taking the time to reach out.
 

suspiciouscoffee

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Dad was watching a tv preacher. Said preacher starts preaching specifically about “the homosexual crowd” and their “choice”. Dad grabbed the remote, and I had hope that he was going to change the channel. No, he turned the volume up.

At this point, I almost wish I were outed to him so he’d hurry up and get to the old testament execution-by-stoning already.
 

Jrzag42

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The friend I mentioned, who dissappeared from my life...
She just messaged me. It was quite a pleasant surprise. She is doing well.
Today is starting off well.
 

Zarius

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In the last two and a half years, I've had a massive drought in terms of feedback to my writing (on FF.net) and my fanediting projects both here and on Originaltrilogy, and I just don't know what I'm doing wrong. People still add my stories to their favourites, People still send me requests, but thatrarely manifests in actual feedback...and as a creative person, you NEED feedback, otherwise you can't improve or notice when you're making mistakes, and you're forced to rely on yourself to analyse any missteps.

I hate being asked for FOTM nominations, because I know nobody's going to ever vote for them. It's like being picked last for a football game...it's done because the edit just happens to be there and has to be nominated. Frankly, I'm on the verge of just ultimately declining the invites.

I feel invisible, I feel taken for granted, and ultimately I don't feel I'm a game-changing editor, or someone who produces work anyone wants to read.

Someone once told me nothing I said mattered to anyone, and I'm starting to feel they were right
 

TV's Frink

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Zarius I'm sorry to hear that.

Just speaking for myself, I have not spent very much time here lately.  I've been pulled in other directions.  But even before that I always felt bad that I didn't provide more feedback to people.  I feel like I'm not very good at it, frankly, and I'm also rather lazy and it takes me a lot of effort because it doesn't come naturally (meaning I struggle to pinpoint what I feel is right or wrong about an edit, especially on the tech side where I'm not very strong).

Regardless, I am fond of you and don't want you to feel invisible.

The only piece I can think of to offer right now is don't worry about being game changing.  Just create what you want for your own enjoyment, and let others enjoy or not as they see fit.    Negative criticism about my edits (and there has been plenty) used to bother me tremendously because I thought they were so good and how could people not get it?  I learned that my stuff is very off-putting to some people (or super confusing) and it just doesn't matter in the end.  I just do it for me and anyone else who wants to come along for the ride, and anyone who doesn't is fine.
 

Neglify

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Hey Zarius,

Funny you mention feeling weird about asking for nominations. I voted for you approximately threeish hours before I read your post right up there.

I haven't viewed any of the fanedits that you've gotten posted on IFDB, for infinite reasons, including but not limited to: a) I'm not a Who junkie; 2) I am the #1 IFDB reviewer with a very comfortable buffer zone above the current number two because I'm an FE junkie for life but I learned how to walk away from that need inside me to review All The FEs; c) not gonna lie about who I am... it took me three separate sittings to complete I Heard You Paint Houses (Movie Edition) by Maestro Marty, and I felt incredibly guilty about it until I finished the last frame, yet these are the first words I've posted on these interwebs about that wonderful piece of cinema I witnessed.... and lastly... I'm a person who is willing to be honestly brutal about a friend's art -- just ask njvc about that 19 page PDF I sent him, "Pulp Empire - A Critical Analysis" -- and I can be that guy who will be bluntly brutal to a stranger who will have zero effect on the outcome of the last frame of my life, but I don't always do all these crazy things I do all the time.

(sips some water)

Just wanting you to know that I'm a fan of you and what you've shared with all of us on this site.

Because I love how much you love the stuff you love.

I easily chose your name on that poll cuz I wanted to give you some quick little love.

This was my quick little note (that took ~42 minutes to formulate) to publicly say why I clicked on you.

Much Love,
Neg
 

Neglify

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I love when my wall of texts are the top posts on "the next page" in threads like these.
 

Zarius

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@"TVs Frink"  
@"Neglify"  

Thanks for the responses and your kind words, I'm feeling much better now.

I've struggled for a while to post something like this because I didn't know whether or not it would come off as selfish, entitled, or egotistical of me when I've been around long enough to know not everyone has the same tastes or even has the time of day to be a regular presence on the site.

I'm quite late with reviews sometimes myself, only recently I finally got around to delivering a review on one of Warlord's Star Trek edits after about a month of promising him one. A lot of it brought on by what Frink said about sometimes not knowing what to say about an edit in terms of constructive critique.

I'll soldier on with my projects as always, do everything that can make you happy.

And Frink, I love your sense of humour and bold attempts to experiment with films to the point you frankenstien them, that's a touch of madness that makes this a fun hobby.
 

TV's Frink

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IMO you didn't come off anything close to selfish, entitled, or egotistical.  Only frustrated and sad, which made perfect sense to me given the context of what was upsetting you.  I didn't read anything that made me think you were saying you deserved these things, just that it made you frustrated and sad you weren't getting them.  I believe that when people post from an angry perspective, that's where it's different, and you didn't sound angry to me.
 

Zarius

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TVs Frink said:
IMO you didn't come off anything close to selfish, entitled, or egotistical.  Only frustrated and sad, which made perfect sense to me given the context of what was upsetting you.  I didn't read anything that made me think you were saying you deserved these things, just that it made you frustrated and sad you weren't getting them.  I believe that when people post from an angry perspective, that's where it's different, and you didn't sound angry to me.

I often get frustration and anger mixed up, sometimes I think they're the same, hence why I was worried about how the post would be read, but thanks for making it clear to me I didn't word anything too strongly.
 

Duragizer

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My dog, Laska, has pyometra. And we're dirt poor, so we can't afford the surgery to save her life.

This'll be the third dog I've had die of pyometra. It happened to Laska's sister and it happened to their mother. And I can tell you, it isn't a nice way to go.

That'll be five members of my family I've had taken from me this year. First my father, by cancer. Then my favourite dog, Cheech, by coyotes. Then one of my cats, Ligeia, by coyotes or owls. Then one of my other cats, Bruce, also by coyotes/owls. And now Laska.
 

The Scribbling Man

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I'm so sorry, @"Duragizer" - That must be really hard. I've lost 4 dogs, 2 of which were within the last 7 months or so. One of them I was very close to and I miss badly, and it was cancer that took them. I actually hadn't thought about it for a while, but they were on my mind when I woke up this morning for whatever reason. 

Although our circumstances may not be the same and there will be something unique about the bond you shared with those that have passed, I hope that it's of some comfort to know that I (and probably others on here) have felt a similar pain.
 

Zarius

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Duragizer said:
My dog, Laska, has pyometra. And we're dirt poor, so we can't afford the surgery to save her life.

This'll be the third dog I've had die of pyometra. It happened to Laska's sister and it happened to their mother. And I can tell you, it isn't a nice way to go.

That'll be five members of my family I've had taken from me this year. First my father, by cancer. Then my favourite dog, Cheech, by coyotes. Then one of my cats, Ligeia, by coyotes or owls. Then one of my other cats, Bruce, also by coyotes/owls. And now Laska.

I feel for you, losing a pet over Christmas must be hell, see that you stay strong. :(
 

TV's Frink

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Damn man, rough year :(
 

Dr. Chim Richalds

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sorry to hear that but glad she's not suffering.  my best to you and your family.

we live in a coyote heavy area too; my sister in law lost her dog to a coyote last year.  its a rough and sudden way to lose a pet, so sorry to hear that's happened to you several times this year.  Hope that 2020's a much better year for y'all!
 

Neglify

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This has been a tough year.

Yesterday I learned that my father died a month ago. Rest in peace dad.

Two months ago Renee died from an accidental overdose. Rest in peace Renee.

Seven months ago, two days after my birthday, Danny died from an accidental overdose. Rest in peace Danny.

I'm still here. I still remember you all. I still hold you in my heart.
 

matrixgrindhouse

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My deepest sympathy to Neglify and everyone else who has lost or suffered.  And my gratitude to all of my fan edit friends for helping me cope with my health/sleep stuff these past two years.
 
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