Dear TM2YC (which I only just realised is an abbreviation of Take Me to Your Cinema):
The following is a list of all my suggestions for your workprint of Pirates of the Carribean: At World's End. Feel free to use any or all of them, at your discretion.
1. Remove the entire Sao Feng confrontation. Cut directly from Beckett's meeting to the gang traversing the arctic waters (time cut: approx 15 mins). We don't need to know how they get the boat or the map, and that whole Singapore segment just DRAGS no matter what you do to it.
2. Remove the discussion of the map ("Over the edge, over again") time cut approx 2:30 mins
This is a world in which the fantastic can happen. We don't need a map or a whole bunch of exposition to tell us that.
3. Remove the brief reaction shot of the now unnamed Singaporean pirate ("Impossible!"). Time cut 2 seconds
Since we've removed the Sao Feng confrontation, this guy is now just some random guy. To have him say something now is a little weird.
4. Remove the brief shot of Barbossa saying "Where you goin' Jack." Time cut approximately 10 seconds
The aim here is to remove all reference to the map. We just don't need it.
5. Remove the "over the edge" scene. Transition directly from the comedic "why is all but the rum gone" scene to Will talking about the fresh water spring. Time cut approx 6:30
This scene is not necessary to the plot. With it removed, we can just assume that Davey Jones' locker connects up with the "real world" in a more traditional manner.
6. Remove Will's reference to "getting back to shooting eachother later." Time cut approximately 5 sec
With the Mexican standoff removed, this dialogue now makes no sense. By removing that standoff, we also help simplify the crazy backstabbing that exists in the original film. This is a simple pirate movie, and should not be so difficult to follow as the creators made it.
7. Remove Pintel lifting up the dead body in the water and referring to Singapore. Instead, we cut straight from Barbossa saying the water is poisoned to the little pirate alerting them of the incoming ship. Time cut approx 10 sec
Since we now no longer see the Singapore confrontation, we should remove as many references to it as possible.
We now reach a problem. Since we omitted the original Sao Feng confrontation, this is the first time we see him. But since we also don't know who he is at the start of the original film, we're only moving the introduction of his character to a later point. Is it worth it? I think so. The alternative would of course be to keep the Sao Feng confrontation, which might be worth it since then the map, the Brethren Court and Sao Feng are given a better introduction.
8. Remove the scene in which Tia Dalma and Barbossa argue about their pact. Instead cut directly from the establishing shot of Shipwreck cove, to the Black Pearl's entrance into the Devil's Throat. Time cut approx 1:05 mins.
Dalma's identity as Calypso is already heavily implied, and to state it so bluntly is kind of pointless and robs the film of some subtlety. It also is yet another example of AWE's incessant use of deception and conniving agreements, most of which are unnecessary and ultimately pointless.
9. Jack Sparrow's escape from the brig seemed a little choppy. I didn't get out my DVD to check how this happens in the original (was it Bootstrap who frees him?), but suffice it to say I think that part should be given a little more time.
10. Cut out the silly marriage sequence. Instead transition directly from the Black Pearl being boarded, to the little pirate shooting his big gun. Time cut approx 2:30 min
This battle sequence is interminable. Anything we can do to shorten it would be fantastic. With a bit of extra effort, you could probably trim this whole fight down by another minute or two as well.
11. Remove Will's father saying "The Dutchman must have a captain." Time cut approx 5 sec
I think this scene would play better without words. We know what is happening; we don't need to have it explained to us.
12. Remove Will's father talking about the "steep price." Time cut approx 20 sec
Again, I think this scene would play better without words. We know just by looking at Will and Elizabeth's faces what they've sacrificed. We don't need to be told it so explicitly. In fact, Will looking off into the distance could even be the last shot of the film.
13. Move the scene between Elizabeth and Will to after the credits (or even remove the scene entirely). It disrupts the sacrifice to have them able to see each other again so soon. My preference would be to remove the "Ten Years Later" epilogue and replace it with this scene. Time cut by removing the epilogue is approx 1 min
14. Remove the scene of Jack and Gibbs discovering the theft of the ship.
Again, the film is essentially over, and to have a comedic scene at the end wrecks the feeling of sacrifice that should exist following Will's death. Of course if you plan on leading into the fourth film, you may want to keep the scene. You may also consider moving this scene to the beginning of On Stranger Tides. Time cut approx 4 mins
With all of these suggestions, we move from a running time of 2:18 (138 mins) to an unbelievably streamlined 1:50 or so (110 mins). Even with the inclusion of the Sao Feng confrontation, we still end up with a two hour film.
Hopefully some of my suggestions are of use to you. I know that a few of them may seem very extreme, but nevertheless I hope you consider them when making your final cut.
Finally, I'd like to suggest three alternate titles (some of which have already been suggested, either by me or by others):
Captain Jack Sparrow and the Song of the Brethren Court (which you're already using)
Captain Jack Sparrow and the Gathering of the Brethren Court
Captain Jack Sparrow and the Gathering of the Seven Seas
Captain Jack Sparrow and the Hoisting of the Colors
Humbly yours,
Radzinsky
PS This film was eminantly more watchable with all the alterations you've made. To be honest though, it still dragged a lot, which is why I think making some of the (admittedly very bold) cuts I've suggested might be to your advantage.
The following is a list of all my suggestions for your workprint of Pirates of the Carribean: At World's End. Feel free to use any or all of them, at your discretion.
1. Remove the entire Sao Feng confrontation. Cut directly from Beckett's meeting to the gang traversing the arctic waters (time cut: approx 15 mins). We don't need to know how they get the boat or the map, and that whole Singapore segment just DRAGS no matter what you do to it.
2. Remove the discussion of the map ("Over the edge, over again") time cut approx 2:30 mins
This is a world in which the fantastic can happen. We don't need a map or a whole bunch of exposition to tell us that.
3. Remove the brief reaction shot of the now unnamed Singaporean pirate ("Impossible!"). Time cut 2 seconds
Since we've removed the Sao Feng confrontation, this guy is now just some random guy. To have him say something now is a little weird.
4. Remove the brief shot of Barbossa saying "Where you goin' Jack." Time cut approximately 10 seconds
The aim here is to remove all reference to the map. We just don't need it.
5. Remove the "over the edge" scene. Transition directly from the comedic "why is all but the rum gone" scene to Will talking about the fresh water spring. Time cut approx 6:30
This scene is not necessary to the plot. With it removed, we can just assume that Davey Jones' locker connects up with the "real world" in a more traditional manner.
6. Remove Will's reference to "getting back to shooting eachother later." Time cut approximately 5 sec
With the Mexican standoff removed, this dialogue now makes no sense. By removing that standoff, we also help simplify the crazy backstabbing that exists in the original film. This is a simple pirate movie, and should not be so difficult to follow as the creators made it.
7. Remove Pintel lifting up the dead body in the water and referring to Singapore. Instead, we cut straight from Barbossa saying the water is poisoned to the little pirate alerting them of the incoming ship. Time cut approx 10 sec
Since we now no longer see the Singapore confrontation, we should remove as many references to it as possible.
We now reach a problem. Since we omitted the original Sao Feng confrontation, this is the first time we see him. But since we also don't know who he is at the start of the original film, we're only moving the introduction of his character to a later point. Is it worth it? I think so. The alternative would of course be to keep the Sao Feng confrontation, which might be worth it since then the map, the Brethren Court and Sao Feng are given a better introduction.
8. Remove the scene in which Tia Dalma and Barbossa argue about their pact. Instead cut directly from the establishing shot of Shipwreck cove, to the Black Pearl's entrance into the Devil's Throat. Time cut approx 1:05 mins.
Dalma's identity as Calypso is already heavily implied, and to state it so bluntly is kind of pointless and robs the film of some subtlety. It also is yet another example of AWE's incessant use of deception and conniving agreements, most of which are unnecessary and ultimately pointless.
9. Jack Sparrow's escape from the brig seemed a little choppy. I didn't get out my DVD to check how this happens in the original (was it Bootstrap who frees him?), but suffice it to say I think that part should be given a little more time.
10. Cut out the silly marriage sequence. Instead transition directly from the Black Pearl being boarded, to the little pirate shooting his big gun. Time cut approx 2:30 min
This battle sequence is interminable. Anything we can do to shorten it would be fantastic. With a bit of extra effort, you could probably trim this whole fight down by another minute or two as well.
11. Remove Will's father saying "The Dutchman must have a captain." Time cut approx 5 sec
I think this scene would play better without words. We know what is happening; we don't need to have it explained to us.
12. Remove Will's father talking about the "steep price." Time cut approx 20 sec
Again, I think this scene would play better without words. We know just by looking at Will and Elizabeth's faces what they've sacrificed. We don't need to be told it so explicitly. In fact, Will looking off into the distance could even be the last shot of the film.
13. Move the scene between Elizabeth and Will to after the credits (or even remove the scene entirely). It disrupts the sacrifice to have them able to see each other again so soon. My preference would be to remove the "Ten Years Later" epilogue and replace it with this scene. Time cut by removing the epilogue is approx 1 min
14. Remove the scene of Jack and Gibbs discovering the theft of the ship.
Again, the film is essentially over, and to have a comedic scene at the end wrecks the feeling of sacrifice that should exist following Will's death. Of course if you plan on leading into the fourth film, you may want to keep the scene. You may also consider moving this scene to the beginning of On Stranger Tides. Time cut approx 4 mins
With all of these suggestions, we move from a running time of 2:18 (138 mins) to an unbelievably streamlined 1:50 or so (110 mins). Even with the inclusion of the Sao Feng confrontation, we still end up with a two hour film.
Hopefully some of my suggestions are of use to you. I know that a few of them may seem very extreme, but nevertheless I hope you consider them when making your final cut.
Finally, I'd like to suggest three alternate titles (some of which have already been suggested, either by me or by others):
Captain Jack Sparrow and the Song of the Brethren Court (which you're already using)
Captain Jack Sparrow and the Gathering of the Brethren Court
Captain Jack Sparrow and the Gathering of the Seven Seas
Captain Jack Sparrow and the Hoisting of the Colors
Humbly yours,
Radzinsky
PS This film was eminantly more watchable with all the alterations you've made. To be honest though, it still dragged a lot, which is why I think making some of the (admittedly very bold) cuts I've suggested might be to your advantage.
.
