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jswert123456 said:heres my first draft at the cover
jswert123456 said:
jswert123456 said:
TK251 said:
. You never know i may get approved one day
Technically looked flawless the only thing I noticed on the version I watched was a minute or so of black screen left on the end where I assume the render area end marker had gone over a little too far, hardly an issue though. The removal of the song and dance routines is seamlessly done theres wasn't a noticeable cut in the entire edit and special props to the way you dealt with the finale and rescored it. My only criticism would be the film does feel very flimsy without the song and dance routines to offer that extra 'connection' with the two leads, but as the whole purpose was to explore that its more an observation than a criticism.
thecuddlyninja said:Overall thoughts: Very good edit! Technically quite good, and an interesting alt take on the movie. I really enjoy the original film. It's obviously not steeped in realism, being a musical and all. It's surprising and cool how much the same story feels grounded without the song and dance elements in it.
Some things I really liked:
- The 'Own the Source' bit was a lot of fun. Great idea, loved it.
- Opening the film where you did worked really well. There is something to be said for starting with a scene (if you include it's bookend) that defines our characters well. I know I like the original opening a lot more than you did, but this was very good.
- The ending of the film played really well. It's been a year since I saw the original but the tweaks I noticed, I quite liked.
- Removal of the musical elements was seamless, which is saying something.
Some things I recommend changing (but are not necessary for approval):
- I really like the unique faneditor intros. It adds a nice polish to an edit IMO (spoken as somebody too lazy to ever make one). That being said, yours has very loud static. If I were you I might consider an element of music that perhaps has static, but straight static was a bit grating on the ear.
- Allow me to talk way too much about a four second scene for a second. I would recommend cutting the bit with Sebastian and Mia on the highway, and I have a bunch of reasons why I think you should. First, the flow of the intro is her entering the place he's playing-really short car scene - really short scene of him looking at old jazz place - then our first proper scene. The pace is a touch frenetic which doesn't jive with the rest of the film IMO. More importantly, the thematic reason for that scene existing has been cut. The theatrical cut opens with the freeway scene, which emphasizes our connectedness both geographically and physically (with the massive dance number). Without that point, the scene kinda stretches incredulity. That makes three chance encounters between Sebastian and Mia (freeway, first club, party) before he finds her on the studio lot. Two makes sense and works, they run into each other once and talk about it the second time they do. But neither of them mention the freeway thing so it doesn't serve any purpose. It really only works as a point of emphasis thematically on the intro, and to tie our main characters into the big dance number. Without the dance number, I'd cut it.
- I would recommend giving the fanedit its own unique title, not just your name. And then I'd recommend making a title card and putting it in place of the scene were Sebastian honks at Mia at the beginning
Things that need changed for approval:
Not a lot here, just two points.
- There's a Spring, Fall and Winter (5 years later) title card but Summer is not there. I can't remember where it appeared in the original but I'm guessing a music number? I remember all four. Without it, it's a bit awkward because we get the Spring one and then don't see another season title card for a long time in the film.
- Very abrupt cut from the John Legend song to the "Fall" title card. The music drops out much too quickly. I get why you faded where you did (a lull in the song kinda) and you can't continue it over the season title card but you have to find a smoother way to do it if you want to cut the second half of the song. I suggest having the music dim and start to fade when going to a close up of Mia (like we're dulling the outside environment to be inside her head) or doing something similar with Sebastian. You don't have to do that but you have to find a way to give it a decent amount of time to fade so as not to feel abrupt.
All that being said, I like the song and would prefer to hear the rest but that is of course up to you. I know you don't like the song. I like it because literally everything John Legend says to Sebastian about jazz is dead on IMO. To love jazz and to want it to never change is really silly to me. I have read you and others say the point of the John Legend song is to be vapid and commercial, which is valid but a reading I do not share. I suppose it hinges on how we look at Sebastian. If you think the song is without merit (not that you like it but think it is vacuous) then you agree with Seb wholeheartedly on the purism. I read the film as agreeing with John Legend (sorry I've seen this movie four times and do not remember his character, I always call him John Legend), that Sebastian is rigid to a fault. And it costs him professionally and personally. He doesn't lose Mia because he is selling out on the photo shoot (though that's the last straw), he loses her because he is so narrow-minded first on his dream and then on what he thinks she wants (based on her telling her mom he doesn't have a steady gig) that he never puts her first. And the heartbreaking part is that what he thinks she wants him to do isn't what she wants him to do. I love that dinner scene so much because I think you can reasonably be on his side, her side, or understand both. I think that Damien Chazelle has the utmost respect for jazz and its history but I don't think the film views John Legend as a sell-out who is the antithesis of pure jazz. I love that he's used jazz to tell two very different stories, for me one that is about genius and another that is about compromise in relationships. Also, young people really don't listen to jazz at all so it needs to keep evolving or die. That was true of my generation and it's even more true of my kids generation.
Anyway, I really enjoyed the movie. Very nice editing throughout, and I think it'll be even stronger with those two minor things cleaned up.
Cheers
My other edit pending approval "Mars "also has a similar own the source film. With the help of my girls they are actually very fun to make and we get to spend time together ...maybe they will get more extravagant - I definitely need a better camera. The La La Land was made on my phone. My daughter has also since learned Sebastian and Mia's theme on the piano so it would have been fun to incorporate her playing it somehow. it must be in the film somewhere
