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A few reviews
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Monsters - 2010 - 5/10

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Earth gets invaded by aliens.
Rather, Mexico gets invaded by walking octopuses (octopi - octopods) about five stories high.
The US erects a mammoth wall to keep aliens in Mexico. Is this symbolism?
Octopi wreck some buildings, yet far more damage is wrought by fighter jets.
Two unlikeable US citizens journey through the "Infected Zone" toward the homeland.
Not a Horror film, not SciFi, not a Romance, but an old-fashioned Road movie.
Hardly any budget, sparsely plotted, the only "actors" were the two leads. Solid use of scenery, music, and unease.
A cadre of geeks swooned over this film, trumpeting what the director created with only $15,000.
I still felt like the carnivore inside a vegan cafe.
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^ I really liked that movie.
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The Woman In Black - 2012 - 5/10

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Hammer film starring Daniel Radcliffe, based on the West End shocker that has been playing since ... when ... the Gladstone administration?
Twisted tale set in haunted house where our young clerk must shift several lots of papers.
He gets distracted constantly. Noises overhead, creaking down the hall, movement outside. So he stops working to start chasing. I hate working with people like that.
Every five minutes, the film had a gotcha surprise punctuated with REALLY LOUD music.
Film-makers have opened up the play considerably with brooding exteriors and wonderfully appointed interiors. Fellow audience members thought the sets too perfect.
Good for some jolts, but an overall disappointment for me.
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Urban Explorer - 2011 - 3/10

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A mixed quartet of global tourists opt for the €300 (each!) illegal tour of the Berlin sewers. Destination, a recently discovered, now sealed Nazi room.
Obviously, those 20ish gimbots have never watched a dead teenager flick in their lives. What else would explain, "Oh, sewer walk, fun!" ?
Avoids clichés initially, then succumbs to predictability and formula.
Docked several points for lazy writing (eg: helpless, whiny female characters), and one stupid decision after another made by players so they could be easy targets.
Caveat emptor.
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The Conjuring - 2013 - 6/10

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Family of seven moves into possessed house deep in the woods.
Quickly discovers the boarded up cellar, followed by bumps in the night.
Oh, and the family dog refuses to enter the house.
As always, they have never seen a Horror film or read a ghost story.
Renowned demonologists arrive and paranormal activity soars.
Not a bad film, I was lucky to watch it while a crashing thunderstorm howled outside.
Despite the children, five girls, the director does not succumb to child exploitation.
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Vultural Wrote:[Image: 2dhgv37.jpg]

The Conjuring - 2013 - 6/10

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Family of seven moves into possessed house deep in the woods.
Quickly discovers the boarded up cellar, followed by bumps in the night.
Oh, and the family dog refuses to enter the house.
As always, they have never seen a Horror film or read a ghost story.
Renowned demonologists arrive and paranormal activity soars.
Not a bad film, I was lucky to watch it while a crashing thunderstorm howled outside.
Despite the children, five girls, the director does not succumb to child exploitation.

I really liked this movie. I would love to see a sequel featuring the Warrens. In the closing sequence, they hinted their next case was in Long Island, New York -- ie. Amityville Horror!
"... let's go exploring!" -- CALVIN.
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99.9 - 1997 - 4/10

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Spanish film about paranormal radio host whose boyfriend goes to a ghost village. One minute he's naked, running for his life, then dead.
Of course the female host packs her suitcase, hits the village, and begins questioning everyone in sight.
The title refers to the station's radio dial, though if you are cute you could invert those numbers and get ... OH NO!
There were gaping loose ends and inconsistencies that ruined a pretty fair horror flick. I docked this movie because, at the Toronto Film Festival, the director confessed there were aspects of the narrative that didn't interest him, so he dropped them. Another wannabe Lynch, Suzuki, or Goddard (take your pick) who delivered a half baked film to viewers.
For gore hounds, mayhem was largely offscreen. Though the sequence near the end, with the three females, the pit and the blood ... Ah, if only.
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Elvis Vs Cthulhu - 2047 - 7/10

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Everyones favorite villains, property developers, are at it again.
Their target this time is the Black Sands Orphanage!  In breathtaking Hawaii.
After the board of directors decline multiple offers, the developers meet on the beach at midnight and invoke dread Cthulhu.  They beg the Great One to destroy the orphanage, devour the children, and leave the black sands red with blood.
Three pretty counselors, Julie, Jackie, and Jennie, all wearing matching white go-go boots, call for a hero.
Elvis.
The King arrives, forty years after his disappearance, and true to his Southern roots, he knows how to wield a chainsaw.
Between relentless battles, he manages to romance each lovely lady and sing classic songs such as:
“Tentacles Of Love,”  “Stand Against The Shadow Of Time,”  and  “Beach Barbeque Rumble.”
A winner!
Don’t miss the closing credits where the Lord Of R’lyeh vows to return while the King sings  “Bop bop a lula, gonna pop ya Cthulhu.”


Note:  This ends the barrage of Halloween Horror jollies. [Image: r1bn0i.jpg]
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^ Ooh, that last one sounds fun, I'll have to check it out. Hey, wait, 2017? I... dammit. :-P
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Bubba Ho-Tep Part II. Can't wait.
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