Thanks for giving me the chance to preview this, Malthus.
My initial responses, after watching the HOUSE OF ABRASAX preview (then rewatching JUPITER ASCENDING):
A NEW BEGINNING: Good God I forgot how horrible the original film's opening was. Losing Jupiter's family scenes and the first Abrasax scene does a splendid job of reshaping the movie's first act into something exciting and interesting. Very smartly done.
Starting the film with Balem and his henchmen sets the proper tone of spectacle and for the rest of the movie in just the right way, plus relays just enough exposition for us to get the gist of our plot thrust without burying us in exposition, then transitioning straight from that into the first hunter battle gives us a jolt of action. This is how the original film SHOULD have started.
A BIT MORE TITLE FLAIR: I'll agree with Addiesin's earlier suggestion re: giving the title reveal a bit more room to breathe by spacing the timing of each word out a bit more. On your final version, I'd also recommend cutting the JUPITER ASCENDING title from the end credits.
A TOUCH OF FAMILY: Part of me wants to see a few shots of Jupiter's life (cleaning the toilets, eating at the crowded table, etc.) just prior to seeing her at the clinic -- sans the terrible voice-over from earlier, sans any terrible dialogue -- just so we get a brief glimpse of her family prior to their kidnapping later in the film. That said, the immediacy of her introduction works nicely as well, so I'm of two minds here.
DE-NEURALIZER: Losing the walk-in closet scene with Katharine and the keepers is the right call. However, it does make the business with the cell phone picture and later memory wiping more than a bit ambiguous. Narratively, it makes sense that the picture exists -- it's how the keepers found her -- but the moment itself needs a bit more support due to the cuts.
- OPTION 1 If possible, amplify Jupiter's reaction to the strange picture on her phone, with an audio sting and maybe a "doubletake" reuse of the pic to show her confusion, to make it more significant. Better yet, if there's a point in the film (preferably cut family scenes) where she said "What??? " or "what the hell?? or "Oh my god" or "What is going on?," something quizzical, repurpose it while her face is unseen so that she's saying it in reaction to the weird photo on her camera.
- OPTION 2 It would be easy enough to not show the pic on the camera. A bit of masking/matte work could replace the screen with a call from Mom (like the phone screen around the original 16 min mark when Mom calls). The problem comes in when Jupiter and Caine discuss the short term memory wipe after the air battle over the city. Looking at the shots in the scene, I can't see a good way to easily cut around it unless a) you skip the bit about memory alteration altogether and just show the damage magically repairing and move on from there, or b) find a way to relay the important info (memory wipes) while the camera's on the instant repairs.
WHO'S VLADIE: No one misses Vladie. He sucks. If all evidence of his existence could be wiped from the film, the world would be a better place. The moment of the phone ringing is unfortunately necessary to get Jupiter out of the room for Caine and Stinger to talk while she's not around, otherwise I'd say just cut the phone call entirely. Instead I'd suggest matteing/masking it so that it shows her mother calling, not him (using the the phone screen when Mom calls earlier in the film that I mention in Option B above.)
A IDEA RE: GRADING: Part of me wonders if playing with the color grading a bit might make the movie's visuals a bit bolder and brighter. On the rewatch, I was surprised as how darkly lit much of the film is. I like blue color color grading as much as the next guy, but here it almost feels out of place. The colors were more vivid in my memory than they were in the actual film. A bit more of that FLASH GORDON flash might do a world of good.
DOUBLE DRAGONS: This is all the Wachowski's fault, but Balem's Sargorn henchmen Tskalikin and Greeghan are nearly indistinguishable visually. Part of me really wishes the color of one of them could be tweaked to make them more distinct.
TAKING THE FAMILY HOSTAGE: Again, SO glad this scene this scene, like so many of the other family ones, has been shortened. Might I suggest, though, relocating it? Again, this was a choice made by the original film, but it always felt like it interrupted the flow of the original film where it happened. We're in the middle of the Titus section of the story -- we just saw Caine get shot into space -- we don't need to cut back to Earth right now.
I suggest instead moving this scene to directly follow Tskalikin's execution and Greeghan's promotion, so it's Greeghan immediately taking action now that he's in charge. That way, the audience can get wrapped up in the Titus plot and almost forget about what's happened to the family by the time Jupiter returns home and finds it a wreck and the family missing
WITH FRIENDS LIKE THESE: One small bit, and ultimately one of personal preference, but it feels like the Wachowskis let one small scene run a line longer than it should have. Once Caine is saved from space and questioning Stinger in lookup, Caine asks Stinger a series of questions, the last of which Sean Bean gives a humorous read of (he considers before he answers the last one "no.") I'd cut there instead of Caine giving the captain permission to let Stinger go (who is HER captive, not his) and it seeing like everyone just walks laconically out of the scene.
ALL-IN-ALL: Your fanedit has done wonders to redeem this film for me. Removing the unfunny humor of the family scenes removes bloat, improves the pacing, puts the movie's strongest suits on more full display, and lets the actual humor of the film stand out more clearly. Had this been the film released in theatres, perhaps the word of mouth would have led to better box office. Well done, Malthus! I look forward to seeing the finished product .
