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THE HOBBIT: The Anti-Cringe Cut

DonKamillo

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UPDATE:

This fanedit is now available in two formats:

Anti-Cringe Cut: see "Original Post"

Miniseries:

The Anti-Cringe Cut is made "more digestible" by being split into five episodes:
  1. An Unexpected Journey (55min)
  2. Riddles in the Dark (66min)
  3. A Warm Welcome (60min) 
  4. Fire and Water (63min)
  5. There and Back Again (62min) 
CHANGES/ADDITIONS:
  • Intro and Outro sequence for every episode (including music from the Hobbit OST)
  • Different Title Cards for every episode using various LOTR/Hobbit style fonts
  • The Hobbit" logo has different colors matching the overall episode theme
--------------------------

ORIGINAL POST:

Like most LOTR fans, I was stoked when I heard that Peter Jackson would take us back to Middle-Earth in his adaption of "The Hobbit". When I heard, that the book, which was about 300 pages long was being made into a trilogy I got a little skeptical of the whole project but I was still excited what Jackson would do with the source material. When "An Unexpected Journey" came out it was a good movie but I still felt let down somehow. There were just so many unnecessary distractions from the main plot and too much violence for an adaptation of what Tolkien had intended to be a children's book. The second and final movie took most of my concerns to a whole other level. More violence, more cringy scenes and characters, more over-the-top action scenes... 

Back then I didn't think about the possibility of "fixing" the trilogy but after discovering the world of fanedits almost a year ago and my New Zealand trip, which reignited my passion for everything LOTR related I decided to give this a shot and trim this trilogy down to get a little bit closer to the book.

I know that there are some fanedits out there already and I'm probably quite late to the party but I believe that my vision of Bilbo's adventure is unique enough to warrant its existence. I'm already more or less finished so if anybody has some enough time on their hands, I'd appreciate some feedback. The source material for my cut were the extended editions of the Hobbit movies.

Another note: I decided to keep the name "An Unexpected Journey" for the whole thing because it just fits, but I'm leaving it out of the thread title and my IFDB submission because it could mislead people into thinking that this is just a fanedit of the first movie. 

CUT-LIST:

An Unexpected Journey:

CHANGES:
  • Azog does not exist, he is never seen nor mentioned
  • Radagast does not play any part in the story
  • The Necromancer does not play any part in the story
  • Saruman does not play any part in this story
  • The Arkenstone is not mentioned in the beginning of the story
  • Bilbo finding the ring is now consistent with his depiction of that moment in LOTR
  • The goblin king's fate is unclear (he is not killed by Gandalf)
  • Smaug is never seen in the first half of the movie
  • Some silly moments are gone (I'm looking at you "Dwarf Pool Party")
  • No over-the-top action
  • No over-the-top violence (decapitations etc.)
CUT:
  • Old Bilbo slips up and nearly mentions to Frodo that he plans to leave the Shire
  • Flashback of Smaug's attack
  • Bilbo goes out of the house and thinks that Gandalf is following him
  • Azog flashback
  • Orks watching Bilbo and the group
  • Radagast is introduced
  • Radagast talks to Gandalf
  • Orks attack and elves fend them off
  • Orks return to Azog empty handed
  • Dwarves "play around" in the water
  • Saruman shows himself to Gandalf
  • Council about the Necromancer
  • Galadriel talks about Sauron
  • Galadriel offers Gandalf her help whenever he needs it and disappears
  • Azog picks up the dwarves scent
  • Various close ups of the goblins attacking the group
  • Goblin king mentions Azog and sends an underling to inform him about the groups whereabouts
  • Gollum kills a goblin and loses the ring in progress while Bilbo watches
  • The group decapitates a couple of goblins and various other goblin fight close-ups
  • Gandalf kills the goblin king
  • The group "surfe" down the goblin cave
  • Azog commands orks that attack the group outside of the goblin cave
  • Bilbo tries to get his sword out of a warg's head
  • Thorin fights Azog and Bilbo tries to help him
  • The other dwarves join the fight against Azog
  • Bird flying to the Lonely Mountain
  • Smaug awakens
  • Credits
ADDED:
  • Anti-Cringe Intro
Time cut: 63 min

The Desolation of Smaug:

CHANGES:
  • "12 months later" after the flashback in Bree becomes a "2 months later" connecting the first and second movie
  • Azog still doesn't exist
  • Radagast is nowhere to be seen
  • The Necromancer/Sauron does not make an appearance or is mentioned in any way by the characters
  • No cringy romance (love triangle between Kili, Tauriel and Legolas)
  • Legolas part is basically reduced to a cameo (no creepy Legolas)
  • Tauriel's part is basically reduced to an extra
  • Lake Town is not attacked by orks
  • Thranduil's stronghold is not attacked by orks
  • Thrain does not make an appearance
  • Bard is neither captured nor imprisoned
  • Kili is not healed by Tauriel but we can assume that Bard helped him
  • There is no lengthy chase inside the mountain
  • Some silly moments are gone (I'm looking at you "Dwarf River Ride")
  • No over-the-top action (aka Legolas and Tauriel in god mode)
  • No over-the-top violence (e.g. torturing spiders etc.)
  • Cringe reduced as much as possible (I'm looking at you Alfrid)
CUT:
  • Gandalf talks to Thorin in a flashback
  • "Desolation of Smaug" title screen
  • Azog and his orks chase the group
  • Azog watches Beorn from a distance
  • Azog goes to the Necromancers lair
  • Bolg is introduced
  • Beorn talks about how Azog tortured his kind
  • Gandalf and Beorn talk about the Necromancer
  • Galadriel tells Gandalf to go to the Necromancer's lair in Dol Guldur
  • Various close ups of the dwarves killing spiders in Mirkwood
  • Bilbo kills a baby spider
  • Tauriel kills a couple of spiders and saves Kili
  • Tauriel talks to Kili and Legolas gets jealous
  • Thranduil shows Thorin his burnt face
  • Bolg watches the elven gates
  • Tauriel flirts with Kili and Legolas stalks them
  • Thranduil talks to Tauriel about Legolas love for her
  • Bilbo sneaks past Thranduil wearing the ring
  • The dwarves "theme-park-ride" down the river
  • Orks attack the dwarves and Legolas and Tauriel defend them
  • Gandalf meets Radagast at the Nazgul's grave
  • Thranduil interrogates a captured ork and kills him
  • Legolas learns that Tauriel went after the dwarves
  • Bolg picks up the scent of the group
  • Alfrid inspects Bard's boat at the city gates of Lake Town
  • Alfrid talks to the Master of Lake Town
  • Bard and the group escape the city guard
  • Legolas catches up to Tauriel
  • Bard finds out about the prophecy 
  • Alfrid talks to the Master about overhearing Bard's discovery
  • Alfrid looks out the door and closes it when the dwarves are caught by the city guard
  • The master refuses to help a wounded Kili
  • Gandalf visits the Necromancer's lair and is attacked by Thrain
  • Azog at the Necromancer's lair
  • Thrain has a flashback to Azog's attack on his people
  • Azog fights Gandalf
  • The necromancer reveals himself to be Sauron
  • Smaug mentions Sauron indirectly
  • Bard is chased by the city guard, knocked out by the Master and imprisoned
  • Bard's son hides the black arrow in a boat
  • Gandalf sees an army of orks marching 
  • Bolg and a group of orks infiltrate Lake Town
  • Orks attack Bard's home
  • Tauriel and Legolas save the dwarves at Lake Town
  • Thorin meets Bilbo inside the mountain and threatens him
  • Tauriel heals Kili
  • Dwarves sneak around in the mountain
  • Kili wakes up and talks to Tauriel
  • The dwarves discover dwarven corpses inside the mountain
  • Smaug chases the group through the mountain
  • Legolas fights Bolg in Lake Town
  • The dwarves set the furnaces inside the mountain ablaze
  • The dwarves attempt to engulf Smaug in liquid gold but the escapes
  • An imprisoned bard hears Smaug coming
  • Bilbo watches Smaug fly away in shock and asks "What have done?"
  • Credits
Time cut: 98 min

The Battle of the Five Armies:

CHANGES:
  • Nope, no Azog
  • Bolg is depicted as the leader of the orc army
  • The dragon's attack on Lake Town focuses on Bard and Smaug
  • The Master's whereabouts in the aftermath of Smaug's attack are unknown
  • Alfrid's appearances are reduced
  • Side quest in Dol Guldur is gone
  • Radagast does not show up
  • Tauriel and Legolas appear in only one small scene
  • Scenes on the battlefield are severely reduced to focus on the main characters
  • New music used when the elves come to aid the dwarves in battle against the orks
  • Thorin's "dragon sickness moments" are reduced
  • Fili, Kili and Thorin are not killed on screen
  • Some silly moments are gone (e.g. Bifur "butting heads" with an ork, Skydiving Beorn, etc.)
  • No over-the-top action (aka Legolas still in god mode)
  • No over-the-top violence (cutting off heads and limbs in the battle scenes, etc.)
  • Cringe reduced as much as possible (I'm still looking at you Alfrid)
  • Order of the character sketches in the main credits
CUT:
  • The Master tries to escape with his riches
  • Tauriel escapes with the dwarves in Lake Town
  • Bard tries to escape his cell
  • The Master kicks Alfrid into the water
  • The master unintentionally aids Bard in his prison break
  • Bard's son retrieves the black arrow
  • Bard cuts down the bell's ropes
  • Smaug frightens the Master
  • "Battle of the Five Armies" title screen
  • Gandalf at Dol Guldur in a cage
  • Alfrid's silly antics as he gets out of the water
  • Killi says farewell to Tauriel
  • The remaining dwarves sail to the lonely mountain
  • Alfrid kissing Bard's ass
  • An angry mob tries to hang Alfrid and Bard stops them
  • Bard talks to Legolas about the riches inside the mountain
  • Azog adresses his troops and sends Bolg on a mission
  • Legolas and Tauriel set out to Gundabad
  • Exodus of the people of Lake Town
  • Ork attacks Gandalf
  • Galadriel saves Gandalf
  • Saruman and Elrond join the fight
  • Radagast comes to Gandalf's aid
  • Sauron makes an appearance and is banished by Galadriel
  • Gandalf says farewell to Radagast
  • Legolas and Tauriel at Gundabad
  • Gandalf mentions Azog in front of Thranduil and Bard
  • Azog summons the were-worms
  • Some fight scenes between the dwarves and elves
  • Azog commands his troops in the battle of the five armies
  • Practically all of the fight scenes in the city of Dale
  • Dwalin trying to persuade Thorin to join the fight
  • Part of Thorin's vision which brings him back to his senses
  • Some of the fight scenes of Thorin and dwarven comrades
  • Thorin and his comrades making their way to Ravenhill
  • Alfrid "disguised" as a woman
  • Legolas mentions a second army to Gandalf
  • Bifur's "You lost your axe" moment
  • Fili and Kili scouting out Ravenhill
  • Azog kills Fili
  • Tauriel fights Bolg
  • Bolg kills Kili
  • Legolas fights Bolg and kills him
  • Thorin fights Azog and both kill each other
  • Beorn and Radagast join the fight
  • Thranduil tasks Legolas with finding Aragorn
  • Tauriel mourns Kili
  • Beorn and Radagast at Thorin's mourning ceremony
  • Sketches of Tauriel, Radagast, Azog, Necromancer/Sauron, Saruman, The Master and Alfrid in the main credits
ADDED:
  • When Bilbo gets knocked out by Bolg he has a flashback to the moment he was accepted by Thorin. The flashback begins with a misleading tone, just like the original scene was. The eagles coming to their aid are the connecting element between the flashback and reality. His fond memory clashes with the harsh reality of Thorin's death
  • Gollum and Frodo appear in the main credits
Time cut: 72 min

-------------

Total Running Time: 300 min
 

DonKamillo

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COVER:

vDr4Unb.jpg
 

stferguson78

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Sounds very promising. Have you kept all of the songs in Bilbos house & the Goblin tunnels? If I recall correctly, in the book Bilbo gets knocked out, then wakes up & the battle is over. Is this what you’re going for, using the dream/flashback as the bridge? Last question (I promise)- have you removed Smaug referring to Thorin as Oakenshield (as he would have no way of knowing that title as he got it fighting Azog after the dwarves fled Erebor)? Thanks
 

DonKamillo

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stferguson78 said:
Sounds very promising. Have you kept all of the songs in Bilbos house & the Goblin tunnels? 

Yes

stferguson78 said:
If I recall correctly, in the book Bilbo gets knocked out, then wakes up & the battle is over. Is this what you’re going for, using the dream/flashback as the bridge? 

Yeah. The problem in the movie was, that he gets knocked out way into the battle and not at the beginning of it. Nevertheless I tried to keep that scene from the book using the flashback to make him miss Thorin's fight against Azog Bolg.

stferguson78 said:
Last question (I promise)- have you removed Smaug referring to Thorin as Oakenshield (as he would have no way of knowing that title as he got it fighting Azog after the dwarves fled Erebor)? Thanks

No, I didn't even think about that. :) I'll look into it, and if it's an easy cut, I'll remove it. In my opinion it's not that big of a problem though.
 

TM2YC

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This is now on ifdb. I love that leather book style cover art!
 

asterixsmeagol

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Is this a single 300-minute movie now or is it still in 3 parts?
 

DonKamillo

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TM2YC said:
This is now on ifdb. I love that leather book style cover art!

Thanks @"TM2YC" !

asterixsmeagol said:
Is this a single 300-minute movie now or is it still in 3 parts?

It is a single movie now :)
 

ThrowgnCpr

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A 5-hour movie is a bit much to slog through in one sitting. Have you considered cutting it back more, or possibly even changing the format (e.g., miniseries)?
 

Masirimso17

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I think splitting it into two 2.5 hour movies would work best. Just a suggestion.
 

DonKamillo

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ThrowgnCpr said:
A 5-hour movie is a bit much to slog through in one sitting. Have you considered cutting it back more, or possibly even changing the format (e.g., miniseries)?

Yeah that's true. Technically it's about 4 hours and 45min + credits and there is the possibility of an intermission at the two hour mark because of a time jump there.
 

ThrowgnCpr

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lol, the difference between 4.75 and 5.0 hours is splitting hairs a bit

While every story needs to be exactly as long as required to be told correctly, I think delivery format matters a lot. Few people I know have the time to watch a ~5 hour movie. And even if they do, their mileage regarding attention span or enjoyment may vary.

Given that the entirety of the Hobbit book can be read in about as much time as it would take to watch this movie, I'm guessing a few things could be trimmed out ;)
 

DonKamillo

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ThrowgnCpr said:
lol, the difference 4.75 and 5.0 hours is splitting hairs a bit

While every story needs to be exactly as long as required to be told correctly, I think delivery format matters a lot. Few people I know have the time to watch a ~5 hour movie. And even if they do, their mileage regarding attention span or enjoyment may vary.

Given that the entirety of the Hobbit book can be read in about as much time as it would take to watch this movie, I'm guessing a few things could be trimmed out ;)

There probably are some things that could be trimmed. Off the top of my head, I could trim all the scenes where some of the dwarves stay back in Lake Town because of Kili's wound and their reunion in the mountain later, which is not important to the story and will shave off a couple of minutes. Maybe there are other moments like that, but I think I'd have to step back from it for a while to notice them, or maybe some feedback from others will help. Let's wait and see :)
 

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ThrowgnCpr said:
A 5-hour movie is a bit much to slog through in one sitting. Have you considered cutting it back more, or possibly even changing the format (e.g., miniseries)?

I went through my edit again and decided not to cut out anything more. However your miniseries suggestion kept nagging me so I looked at the whole thing from that perspective and actually found four good spots to split the whole thing into a five episode miniseries. I'll look into it more and will give updates on the process but until then I'll keep the whole thing as is.
 

DonKamillo

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I finished splitting the whole thing into five episodes.

Here is a sample:


Thanks again for the suggestion @"ThrowgnCpr"
 

DonKamillo

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Episode Title Cards:

Episode I (Untouched):

[img=960x400]
[img=960x400]
Episode II:

[img=960x400]
[img=960x400]
Episode III:

[img=960x400]
[img=960x400]https://i.imgur.com/bU2ELKZ.jpg[/img]

Episode IV:

[img=960x400]https://i.imgur.com/5hvSY4l.jpg[/img]

[img=960x400]https://i.imgur.com/FHlwlXr.jpg[/img]

Episode V:

[img=960x400]https://i.imgur.com/RLU2pgE.jpg[/img]

[img=960x400]https://i.imgur.com/e5rADhw.jpg[/img]
 

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FYI: I updated the fanedit information on IFDB so currently it's on "Pending Moderation" again and therefore not listed.

To everybody sending me link requests: 
Thanks for the interest and I'm already looking forward to hearing some feedback from you guys. I tried to learn from the mistakes I made during the editing process of my TLJ cut and I think the whole thing turned out pretty well but I let you guys be the judge of that. 

Keep on sending those requests but please be patient. As soon as I'm done rendering the movie and miniseries episodes and the upload is done, I'll get back to everybody ;)
 

TV's Frink

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I dig those title cards.

You can PM TM2YC for IFDb issues.
 
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