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The Emotional Support Thread

^ You guys are in my thoughts. Take care.
 
It makes me happy to see old friends here but sad for the circumstances.  Much love to all.
 
TVs Frink said:
It makes me happy to see old friends here but sad for the circumstances.  Much love to all.
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Hope I'm one of the old friends! I don't post much on the forums but I'm hoping to make an effort to post more in the future.
 
MovieFreakedMind said:
TVs Frink said:
It makes me happy to see old friends here but sad for the circumstances.  Much love to all.
Click to expand...

Hope I'm one of the old friends! I don't post much on the forums but I'm hoping to make an effort to post more in the future.
Click to expand...

@"MovieFreakedMind" absolutely!
 
My sister and a friend of hers went out this morning to gather wood from the forest. She's been gone all this time and it's almost evening, so I phoned her a little while ago; I found out her jeep got stuck in the snow off-trail and she only has a small shovel to get them out. I don't know where they are or what to do or who I should call.
 
If they can, they should download an app called 'what3words'. It will pinpoint their location, which the Police can use to track them down, if necessary.
 
An update on my sister's situation. She got out of the snow and out of the woods, only to crash into a camper on the way back. The jeep's totalled, and my sister was drunk, so her license's been suspended. It's a miracle no one was seriously injured, especially since my sister's friend wasn't wearing a seatbeat when it happened.
 
A few weeks ago my dad came to me saying that because he had to go to a couple funerals that weekend, he needed me to make a list of my life goals in seven categories. He texted me the template later. Here’s a screenshot from then.

sqhudS0.jpg


I didn’t do it because it’s some stupid bullshit, but the last couple nights he’s been badgering my siblings and I about it again, and is demanding to see at least 2 or 3 by this weekend to be discussed.

It fucking sucks. For starters, my only real goal is to fucking survive. Also, this is just deeply weird! And it involves shit that I don’t want to talk to my dad about! And I’m scared and I feel like I’m losing my fucking mind!
 
suspiciouscoffee said:
It fucking sucks. For starters, my only real goal is to fucking survive. Also, this is just deeply weird! And it involves shit that I don’t want to talk to my dad about! And I’m scared and I feel like I’m losing my fucking mind!
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Seems like that's his goal. How transparently manipulative!
For Health, write down "Find good psychiatrist". Leave the rest blank. Something like that might get across what this kind of parenting does to someone.

Sorry you're going through it.
 
I’m not gonna do it, and he’s gonna get pissy and say I have to because I’ll be a failure or whatever, but also if I do it and he doesn’t like my “goals” he’ll get pissy that my life isn’t what he wants it to be, that I don’t want to start a nuclear Christian family that gives him a legion of grandkids, or whatever he wants me to say. He’ll probably quote Zig Ziglar or some shit about how I’m not supposed to be a “Wandering Generality” or whatever, and that if I don’t have good approved Christian goals for my life that I’ll be a failure at everything. Then he’ll say it’s for my own good that he’s mad at me for not completing his stupid assignment, and maybe remind me of when he was 30 and he called his dad to thank him for the beatings he gave as a kid.

Fuck everything.
 
Rogue-theX said:
You do not owe him anything.
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But, objectively and quantifiably, I kinda do, don’t I? All the thousands of dollars it takes to raise kids (and do extra shit on top like a few trips to fucking Walt Disney World) in a literal sense I do owe him. Plus, in the sense that he is my creator, and had to go out of his way (and throw lots of money) to just create me (via IVF and whatnot) there’s an argument to be made that he’s effectively my god, and I owe him all the worship and sacrifice that entails.

To quote Marx and/or Engels; “The bourgeoisie have stripped away from the family its sentimental veil, and has reduced the family relation to a mere money relation.”
 
As far as I'm aware, you don't owe anyone anything unless an agreement is made.
If someone gave me a cactus, and I didn't ask for a cactus, and I don't want a cactus, and I don't have room for a cactus, I'm not going to pay the person back for it.
You didn't ask to be created, that was his choice, and all of the money spent was his choice. It's all on him. Sure it may be good to help him with some things if you want to show respect and say thank you, but you don't owe him anything.
 
No, not even literally.

My father, when he sees me out for groceries, yells at me from his car because I defended my mother from him and stopped going along with his shit. I haven't talked to him in a decade+. "my way or the highway" kinda guy/brick wall, you can't argue with/convince someone like that of anything because they are always right and you are always wrong. Look at history, how many fathers were a$sholes? He put a roof over my head and on my plate some bread and in my head he made me feel dead. He pitted me against my brother for his own amusement when I was young and impressionable and that relationship is destroyed beyond repair. When I was little I saw him choking my brother against a wall while holding my mother down, I ran out the house in my socks in the winter and had the shop keep call the cops, but that was years ago when the laws were different so he got away with it then he told me I did the right thing, later (or before, can't remember now) I told someone about my brothers problems with the father and they tried to intervene, I was told by my brother to mind my own fucking business. Stockholm syndrome was about. I couldn't talk to anyone about it and when I did people brushed it aside. Other times I excused it and even lied to the police for his sake. When I was a baby he pushed me and my mom down the stairs. I have scars on my head still, small, but there. He brought about life long hearing problems, emotionally abused me and manipulated me and pretty much brainwashed me as well as introduced me to drugs, alcohol, tobacco, didn't teach me how to take care of myself but taught me well how to destroy almost every relationship I am lucky enough to have, and taught me at the core how to read a situation the absolute wrong way. Not to mention the HELL he put my mother and brother through. Angel in company devil at home. He worked and paid for shit and treated us like shit. Fuck him.

What I am saying is just because someone is your father doesn't make him some nice guy. It doesn't excuse abuse. Don't waste your heart over it, don't let a negative person push you into the dirt because if you do I can tell you honestly it's not pretty what happens to you.
You've heard what I've said and where its coming from so take it with how ever much grains of salt you need to, because I'm probably biased.
 
I’m very sorry Rogue. Thank you for sharing.

My dad’s not abusive though, he’s just not a well-adjusted adult. He means well, he just has the bafflingly wrong approaches to everything.
 
suspiciouscoffee said:
Rogue-theX said:
You do not owe him anything.
Click to expand...

But, objectively and quantifiably, I kinda do, don’t I? All the thousands of dollars it takes to raise kids (and do extra shit on top like a few trips to fucking Walt Disney World) in a literal sense I do owe him. Plus, in the sense that he is my creator, and had to go out of his way (and throw lots of money) to just create me (via IVF and whatnot) there’s an argument to be made that he’s effectively my god, and I owe him all the worship and sacrifice that entails.
Click to expand...

No. As Rogue-theX has articulated in the post above, there is much more to fatherhood than being a sperm donor and an open wallet. Much much more.
 
Whether he's abusive or not, you still don't owe him anything.
 
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