I met a friend over four years ago that I will never forget.
We met through some online rpg website, that part isn't important. She was fun to talk to, and soon enough we began talking to eachother every day. She became my best friend, the only person I'd share my problems with and vent to, and I'd listen to her problems as well. We talked often for a few years.
One day, I noticed that she'd been offline for a couple of days, which was uncommon. I messaged her, but got no response. Months passed, I'd send her messages here and there in hopes that she'd respond. I cried every night, hoping that she was alright, that nothing happened to her. Worrying that I did something wrong. Six months later, she returned, I was so happy. She focused on life, spending a while away from her internet community. I understood, and was in no way upset.
As time went by, we remained friends, but had our fair share of disagreements here and there.
I finally told her that I loved her, and she didn't reciprocate. She wasn't interested in a long distance relationship, and also just didn't care about me the same way that I cared about her. She was growing up, while I stayed a child, over attached, over emotional, and having no idea what I was doing in the world.
Not long after, she was in a long distance relationship with another friend in our online community. I took it personally, and thought she was hypocritical. I was mad at both of them, but it didn't take long for me to realize that we're just friends, and I should support her.
Time went on, we grew closer, we grew apart, a lot went on. We were friends, and I valued her friendship deeply.
Then she was gone again. I haven't heard from her since March. I miss her. I hope she's alright. I don't think she's coming back this time. She was truly amazing. She helped me out a lot, and really changed my life. I hope that she remembers out friendship fondly, and I hope she doesn't feel as guilty of being a bad friend as I do.
I still haven't grown. I get to attached to people, I'm over emotional still, way too sensitive, and completely childish.
I can hardly watch movies featuring friendship or relationships without bursting into tears.
I just watched the comedic movie Hot Rod, and started crying half way through.
I'm depressed, and I hate myself.
I can't think about anything in the past without regret.
I seriously have no idea what I'm doing in life. I need help.
I've never told my therapist about any of my actual problems, or really anything about me. If only I could see him now, I'd tell him everything. But I have no way of contacting him without talking to my mother.