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The Emotional Support Thread

Possessed

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I'm not very active on the forums anymore. I used to be very active on the discord server, but those that are there obviously know that I stepped away from that as well. I guess I'm partly posting this for anybody there that might wonder what I'm up to.

I'm really going through a tough time. My long time partner and I broke up recently. And I'm hurting. I'm really, really hurting. I honestly don't know if it was really for the best or not. I know I loved her and would have followed her to the end of the earth. But that isn't an option I have. I feel so lost and empty... i feel like a part of me has died. I don't know how I'm going to deal with this pain. But I guess I have no choice but to find a way.
 

Darth Kermit

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I don’t have any experience with relationships, although I have tried to pursue those I have had strong feelings for, but for whatever reason, it never comes to fruition. So I can’t speak any solace to the pain of breaking up, but I can offer my sympathies and I understand how hard it is to feel love for someone and not be together with them. I’m sure it’s much worse when you have been in a relationship with them for a long time, so that really sucks. If you need someone to talk to, my dm’s are open, and I like to think I’m a good listener for stuff like this.
 

ArtisDead

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I'm not very active on the forums anymore. I used to be very active on the discord server, but those that are there obviously know that I stepped away from that as well. I guess I'm partly posting this for anybody there that might wonder what I'm up to.

I'm really going through a tough time. My long time partner and I broke up recently. And I'm hurting. I'm really, really hurting. I honestly don't know if it was really for the best or not. I know I loved her and would have followed her to the end of the earth. But that isn't an option I have. I feel so lost and empty... i feel like a part of me has died. I don't know how I'm going to deal with this pain. But I guess I have no choice but to find a way.
I just went through this a few years ago. I feel for you.
 
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ArtisDead

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I had no idea that this thread existed until now. I love how wholesome this community is and since I'm new here I thought I'd share my story.

I met my partner in a randomised internet chatroom.

Why I was in a randomised internet chatroom takes a little more explaining. You see I had been wrestling with depression for several years; a depression fueled by circumstances and unresolved history, a depression that contributed to the breakdown and subsequent ending of the relationship with my daughters mother. Full disclosure: she and I are on good terms and while we were ultimately a terrible couple she is an incredible mother.

At the peak of my depression I was numb to the world, I had seen two therapists both of whom said I was depressed. My ex told me I wasn't. She said I just wanted a label for my bad behavior, that I wanted a reason why I could continue being ‘grumpy’. She said 'even if I was depressed I should just man up'. I didn't tell my friends because I didn't want to appear weak. I internalised my depression until everyday I wore a mask. Everyday I wore a fake smile. Every day I looked at lorries on the road and thought about how easy it would be to step out in front of one.

I agonised about taking medication. I feared losing myself beneath a veneer of drugs. I didn't want to be zombie, trapped in a cycle of dependency. Isolated from my friends, too scared to tell my family, without the support from my then partner I felt utterly lost. One day I downloaded a game on my phone. It was silly distraction from the near constant misery of my depression. It had a small community of some 50,000 players, people from all over the world. One player had used a photograph of Mariya Takeuchi, a niche Japanese musician who I happened to love, as their avatar. (Please go on YouTube and listen to Plastic Love by her
) I messaged them out of the blue to tell them that l, too, loved Mariya’s music and they began a conversation with me.

Soon they invited me to a Line group chat where I met some wonderfully weird and wholesome people. There were Americans, Austrians, Australians and people from countries that didn't begin with A. For six months I played that game and I stayed in that group chat. They didn't know me and for the first time in years I didn't need to wear the mask. Since the chat was full of international people I always had someone to talk to. No matter the time of day I no longer isolated.

They made me feel so welcome I wanted to do something for them. So I started competition Tuesdays where I'd set a challenge and then I’d mail the winner something silly like studio Ghibli socks or a science fiction novel. I enjoyed making others feel happy and in doing so I started to feel happy again. Fun fact: I came 47th out 50,000 in a tournament and I have the medal to prove it*. I felt happy enough to get help. To get some medication. It took the edge of the depression long enough for me to realise the toxic situation I was living in. My ex and I separated and within two weeks I was no longer on the medication. I was on the road to recovery. Those strangers online helped me more than they knew. They had been a candle in the darkness that had kept the wolf from the door. They had, without any exaggeration, saved my life. So now a single Dad I went online hoping to be the stranger that someone else needed. The sympathetic ear that would be ready to listen to someone else's pain. That's how I ended up in a random chat app and it was there that I met my girlfriend, completely at random, who became my best friend, who six months later I kissed, who 3 months later on moved in with me and now she and I are happier than ever. My happiness was waiting for me and my depression led me to it.

You see if I'd not been depressed I would not have played that game. If I'd not played that game I would not have not joined that group chat. If I'd not joined that group chat I'd not have gotten the support I needed and I wouldn't have got help, I would not have downloaded the random chat app and ultimately might not have found the person I love.

If there is a moral to this story its that you really have no way of knowing how one simple action might change your story. If you're going through something right now hang in there and if you are feeling isolated please feel free to PM me.

Malthus

*(https://pasteboard.co/J81gYUD.png)
That...is an amazing, inspiring story. I forgot this world over here existed. Quit hanging out over here a long time ago...thanks, Malthus!
 
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drvrjon

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dealing with my 71yo mom's broken back and other issues found while she was in the hospital along with the holidays and 8 years nof my dad being gone. im really beginning to hate nov and dec.
 

The Scribbling Man

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I'm not very active on the forums anymore. I used to be very active on the discord server, but those that are there obviously know that I stepped away from that as well. I guess I'm partly posting this for anybody there that might wonder what I'm up to.

I'm really going through a tough time. My long time partner and I broke up recently. And I'm hurting. I'm really, really hurting. I honestly don't know if it was really for the best or not. I know I loved her and would have followed her to the end of the earth. But that isn't an option I have. I feel so lost and empty... i feel like a part of me has died. I don't know how I'm going to deal with this pain. But I guess I have no choice but to find a way.

I'm really sorry to hear that Possessed. That kind of thing is never easy, but I promise it does get better on the other side. Hang in there. Miss your presence around here and good to hear from you, though sad about the context.
 

Ryantology

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My mental health has been absolutely tanking as of late. I’ve lived a good chunk of my life dealing with the ups and downs of depression but right now I’m just in a spot that I’m fighting to pull myself out of. Editing used to be my reprieve from it. I could laser focus on something and eventually be proud of what I accomplished. Lately I struggle to do that even. I just can’t seem to concentrate. It’s been forever since I finished an edit of a movie and it genuinely bums me out. Any advice on how to ease yourself back into editing since it’s something rewarding? Feeling a bit lost.
 

Malthus

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Any advice on how to ease yourself back into editing since it’s something rewarding? Feeling a bit lost.

Mental health is minefield, it's rough and there's no one size fits all solution. I'm not going to advise you to rest, exercise and hydrate but I will suggest you be realistic.

If editing is the thing that gives you headspace then do a little each day. just one transition or a FX experiment. You don't need to complete something just do a little bit. I, too, use editing to give myself mental clarity. I've found doing a little editing every day has been a great way to get me back into the mix and keep the wolf from the door.

Hang in there mate.
 

wilhelm scream

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Anyone feel really apathetic alot? I do. I almost never enjoy anything anymore.
 

Possessed

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An unexpected trip to the er from very severe and crippling abdominal pain has brought to light the fact that my liver is swollen and enlarged with high enzymes as a result of years of extreme alcohol abuse. I'm only 28 and I already have these problems if that's any indication of how extreme it was.

Thankfully, they don't think there is any permanent damage and as long as I can keep it together I should be okay. They don't know why it suddenly started hurting but it will hopefully stop after some rest time.

I had already cut back by a very large amount prior to this and am only drinking a fraction of what I was a month ago. With the intention of eventually stopping completely. But I couldn't afford medical help so I had to do it slowly and wean off and I've made a lot of progress and am only having a little wine to relax in the evening. But, I only got down to this level a couple of weeks ago so it's not surprising my liver is still inflamed. It isn't going to sort itself out over night after all. They told me to continue cutting back. Like I said they didn't know why it suddenly began hurting, could be a muscle tweak at work or something.

I will continue working to cut back farther.
 
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Malthus

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Damn @Possessed I hope you have a speedy recovery. You've done soo well cutting down your usage already. I believe in you mate. Diet can be a powerful alley in changing your health. Grapefruit and red grapes are both great at reducing liver inflammation while drinking green tea is beneficial as it both hydrates and is chock full of antioxidant. I know you're an accomplished cook, use your skills and get yourself well again. Hang in there.
 

The Scribbling Man

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I'm very sorry to hear that, Possessed. That's really rough. Well done for cutting down as you need to though. It's no easy thing.
 

ArtisDead

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My mental health has been absolutely tanking as of late. I’ve lived a good chunk of my life dealing with the ups and downs of depression but right now I’m just in a spot that I’m fighting to pull myself out of. Editing used to be my reprieve from it. I could laser focus on something and eventually be proud of what I accomplished. Lately I struggle to do that even. I just can’t seem to concentrate. It’s been forever since I finished an edit of a movie and it genuinely bums me out. Any advice on how to ease yourself back into editing since it’s something rewarding? Feeling a bit lost.
I am sorry you are going through this.
 

Possessed

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Thanks guys. I'm trying. Life is really a struggle. With my fiance completely shutting me out of her life at Christmas time, the initial cutback of alcohol from drinking a liter of vodka a day to just a few glasses of wine (which was no easy task, trust me. I was having like 5 shots with/for breakfast every single day and just continued throughout the day. So it's already night and day and I feel so much better. Except for the pain that just started. I still feel fine other than that though, it started the day I went back to work so I suspect I might have also pulled a muscle or something. I doubt they really looked for that much in the er, once they determined I wasn't dying they were probably done. I'll have to follow up with a more specific doctor), and now this. Every time I feel like things are at least starting to be okay something else. One step forward two steps back. 2021 was the best year of my life (other than the behind the scenes habits it was great until like the last 5 days). I was happy in my relationship, I was finding self confidence amd just enjoying life. and so far 2022 has been the worst. Ironic.

Also I can't have grapefruit. Probably the one silver lining :p
 
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