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The Emotional Support Thread

suspiciouscoffee

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My step-grandmother might be dying. Not Corona or anything, pneumonia from normal things. Mom’s upset because she hasn’t spoken to her stepmom since Christmas and who knows if she’ll get to again. It’s probably been longer since I’ve talked to her. It’s… a lot.
 

Masirimso17

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suspiciouscoffee said:
My step-grandmother might be dying. Not Corona or anything, pneumonia from normal things. Mom’s upset because she hasn’t spoken to her stepmom since Christmas and who knows if she’ll get to again. It’s probably been longer since I’ve talked to her. It’s… a lot.

I'm sorry, man. Hope she's not in too much pain.
 

Duragizer

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Shortly after my mother was released from the hospital three weeks ago, she became anemic. Since then, her energy levels have plummeted, and now she can't so much as take a walk from the living room to the kitchen without getting winded. Whereas before she only needed to routinely wear her oxygen while doing chores or sleeping, now she constantly wears it.

She'd already been taking iron supplements for about a year now, but had fallen into the habit of skipping her lunch one. Under her doctor's advice, she started taking that pill at noon and eating more iron-rich food in hopes of improving her energy levels. So far, there's been no sign of improvement.

Now to top it all off, it appears she might've caught a bug. I doubt very much it's the coronavirus, but even if it's just the common cold, I don't know how she'll fare in her present condition.
 

Warbler

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Duragizer said:
Shortly after my mother was released from the hospital three weeks ago, she became anemic. Since then, her energy levels have plummeted, and now she can't so much as take a walk from the living room to the kitchen without getting winded. Whereas before she only needed to routinely wear her oxygen while doing chores or sleeping, now she constantly wears it.

She'd already been taking iron supplements for about a year now, but had fallen into the habit of skipping her lunch one. Under her doctor's advice, she started taking that pill at noon and eating more iron-rich food in hopes of improving her energy levels. So far, there's been no sign of improvement.

Now to top it all off, it appears she might've caught a bug. I doubt very much it's the coronavirus, but even if it's just the common cold, I don't know how she'll fare in her present condition.

Sorry to hear that, Duragizer. I hope your mother gets well soon. Hang in there.
 

Duragizer

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Last Thursday my mom went in to get blood work done. This afternoon she got a phone call from her doctor informing her that she was hazardously anemic and that she should admit herself to the hospital. So my sister made the call, the ambulance came out, and I rode with my mother to the hospital. I stayed with her a couple hours until she got processed, then took the bus home (I had to wait from 8:37 to 10:05 for the last bus home; thank you bureaucracy).

I don't know precisely how my mother's doing right now; she was awaiting a blood transfusion when I left, and she was in alright spirits all things considered. Hopefully the doctors'll finally figure out the underlying cause of her anemia and get to work correcting it.
 

Warbler

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Sorry man, hope for the best for your Mother. Just said a prayer for her.
 

Duragizer

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Something I've come to understand is that when it's time for my mother to shuffle off this mortal coil, I'll be more lonely than ever, and I'm already insufferably lonely. I hate her religious fundamentalism and homophobic/transphobic views, but I do love my mother and she's the only person I have in my life I have any degree of closeness to. My sister and I are effectively estranged; I have no relationship with my relatives in Alberta; I have no friends or acquaintances; I have no girlfriend; social anxiety and poverty have made it impossible for me to correct any of this.

Between the $45 dollars in my wallet and $18 in my bank account, I certainly have enough to buy me a great big bottle of hard booze. Perhaps I should go out right now, blow what little money I have right away, and get myself blitzed to the gills on liquid artificial joy. Or a whore, if I knew where to find one. The very idea repulses me, but hell, any intimacy, no matter how loveless and exploitive, would be preferable to this hollowness I feel right now.
 

Possessed

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Well if it makes you feel better you have more money than I do and I have a steady job. So I wouldn't worry too hard.
 

Duragizer

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After a day+ of testing, my mom underwent dialysis. She's feeling better, but there's no doubt she's not coming home anytime soon.

Frankly, I'm bewildered by what's going on with her body.
 

Warbler

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Duragizer said:
I do love my mother and she's the only person I have in my life I have any degree of closeness to.

I can sympathize. I too will be more lonely than ever when my Mom dies. Been thinking about that ever since my Father died.
 

Duragizer

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Yesterday, it looked like my mother might've been able to come home in a day. But this morning she called us to say she'd had a poor night, that her oxygen intake had gone down and she was still retaining water, so she won't be coming home yet. I don't know when she'll be coming home, and I'm worried her condition will worsen again.

Almost all my cheque — $1000 — has gone on car payments, including my sister's jeep which was totalled in February. My sister hasn't had any work in over a month. My sister's roommate physically assaulted her last Sunday, so he's gone, and his rent payments with him. There's no money to pay bills, and $20 at most for food.

Usually the local food bank would be open Tuesdays-Thursdays for bread and vegetables, which is how we've been able to stave off hungry without much money. But thanks to COVID-19, the food bank's locked up tight; we'll have to wait 'til the 14th, our official hamper date, to get anything. Most of the food we have on-hand is heavily salted canned soup, which my grandmother shouldn't eat.

I'm sad, I'm angry, and I'm tired.
 

Zarius

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I hope your mum gets through this and at least has a few sturdier nights. Kind of at a loss of words with how the net just continues to tighten on other issues and responsibilities, best foot forward is all I can suggest, and try to be as social as you can to lift spirits, be it online or otherwise.
 

It'sOnRandom

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I really don't like getting into deep conversations over the internet, I do try and stay as positive as possible, but after recent conversations I found that opening up about stuff really does help. I just feel that with this Coronavirus going round it is just fucking everything up, at the moment I am not living where I usually live. Originally I lived with my mom but due to her having to go and have some help with things I'm not going to get into, my nan and grandad decided to live with us until my mom got better (this was before Coronavirus). Then when Corona got a lot more serious my nan and grandad were starting to really worry about being with us due to us still having to go to school. So we decided for my grandparents to go back to there home, take my youngest sister, while my other sister lived at home by herself and I would go to my dad's, I really didn't want to go as I don't really like leaving home but I didn't have a choice.
At that point i felt that school was the only thing keeping me actually happy, although that was still shit anyway. Then when I found out school had been cancelled I felt awful, and I don't like to admit it but I kinda did feel bad for myself.

So after school was closed the only idea I had to do was join back to this site as I had a lot more free time on my hands and I would have noone to talk to. And I just want to say thank you to everyone, you have all been so good to me, even through my constant posting :), and I just want you to know we will all get through this.

Stay safe, stay clean!
 

Possessed

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Nothings really wrong. But I'm tired of being alive. It's just not worth it. I wish I weren't living at this moment. But I might not feel that way tomorrow.
 

Malthus

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I had no idea that this thread existed until now. I love how wholesome this community is and since I'm new here I thought I'd share my story.

I met my partner in a randomised internet chatroom.

Why I was in a randomised internet chatroom takes a little more explaining. You see I had been wrestling with depression for several years; a depression fueled by circumstances and unresolved history, a depression that contributed to the breakdown and subsequent ending of the relationship with my daughters mother. Full disclosure: she and I are on good terms and while we were ultimately a terrible couple she is an incredible mother.

At the peak of my depression I was numb to the world, I had seen two therapists both of whom said I was depressed. My ex told me I wasn't. She said I just wanted a label for my bad behavior, that I wanted a reason why I could continue being ‘grumpy’. She said 'even if I was depressed I should just man up'. I didn't tell my friends because I didn't want to appear weak. I internalised my depression until everyday I wore a mask. Everyday I wore a fake smile. Every day I looked at lorries on the road and thought about how easy it would be to step out in front of one.

I agonised about taking medication. I feared losing myself beneath a veneer of drugs. I didn't want to be zombie, trapped in a cycle of dependency. Isolated from my friends, too scared to tell my family, without the support from my then partner I felt utterly lost. One day I downloaded a game on my phone. It was silly distraction from the near constant misery of my depression. It had a small community of some 50,000 players, people from all over the world. One player had used a photograph of Mariya Takeuchi, a niche Japanese musician who I happened to love, as their avatar. (Please go on YouTube and listen to Plastic Love by her
) I messaged them out of the blue to tell them that l, too, loved Mariya’s music and they began a conversation with me. 

Soon they invited me to a Line group chat where I met some wonderfully weird and wholesome people. There were Americans, Austrians, Australians and people from countries that didn't begin with A. For six months I played that game and I stayed in that group chat. They didn't know me and for the first time in years I didn't need to wear the mask. Since the chat was full of international people I always had someone to talk to. No matter the time of day I no longer isolated.

They made me feel so welcome I wanted to do something for them. So I started competition Tuesdays where I'd set a challenge and then I’d mail the winner something silly like studio Ghibli socks or a science fiction novel. I enjoyed making others feel happy and in doing so I started to feel happy again. Fun fact: I came 47th out 50,000 in a tournament and I have the medal to prove it*. I felt happy enough to get help. To get some medication. It took the edge of the depression long enough for me to realise the toxic situation I was living in. My ex and I separated and within two weeks I was no longer on the medication. I was on the road to recovery. Those strangers online helped me more than they knew. They had been a candle in the darkness that had kept the wolf from the door. They had, without any exaggeration, saved my life. So now a single Dad I went online hoping to be the stranger that someone else needed. The sympathetic ear that would be ready to listen to someone else's pain. That's how I ended up in a random chat app and it was there that I met my girlfriend, completely at random, who became my best friend, who six months later I kissed, who 3 months later on moved in with me and now she and I are happier than ever. My happiness was waiting for me and my depression led me to it.

You see if I'd not been depressed I would not have played that game. If I'd not played that game I would not have not joined that group chat. If I'd not joined that group chat I'd not have gotten the support I needed and I wouldn't have got help, I would not have downloaded the random chat app and ultimately might not have found the person I love.

If there is a moral to this story its that you really have no way of knowing how one simple action might change your story. If you're going through something right now hang in there and if you are feeling isolated please feel free to PM me.

Malthus

*(https://pasteboard.co/J81gYUD.png)
 

Possessed

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I don't really have anything I'm lacking to feel better. I have a rewarding job. A great girlfriend. I'm just emotionally dysfunctional I guess. Being a drug user and an alcoholic probably isn't helping. My girlfriend isn't either of those things though so if I ever get passed that I won't have to worry about it creating a barrier between us.

Thank you for sharing your story, though.
 

Masirimso17

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Possessed said:
I don't really have anything I'm lacking to feel better. I have a rewarding job. A great girlfriend. I'm just emotionally dysfunctional I guess. Being a drug user and an alcoholic probably isn't helping. My girlfriend isn't either of those things though so if I ever get passed that I won't have to worry about it creating a barrier between us.

Possessed--do you work out? I'm usually really lazy but I found that whenever I work out I feel much better about myself and life in general.
 
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