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The Emotional Support Thread

Gaith

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The last time I watched Hot Rod was with a woman I was intimate with. It was an emotional as well as hilarious experience, and now I'm very reluctant to revisit it without a new partner to share the journey. That movie might seem like a mere silly flick, but it's got depth of feeling, folks. There's no reason at all to be self-conscious about being affected by it.

... And that's my goofy but sincere way of saying I'm sorry you're going through a rough spot, friend, and hope things get better soon. :blush:
 

Jrzag42

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Well, I really appreciate it. I had no idea that Hot Rod affected people other than me on a personal level.
I'm feeling better right now, and I kinda feel like I shouldn't have posted all that, but oh well. I did start feeling better soon after posting it, so clearly it helps me to vent.
 

Masirimso17

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jrWHAG42 said:
I'm feeling better right now, and I kinda feel like I shouldn't have posted all that, but oh well. I did start feeling better soon after posting it, so clearly it helps me to vent.

No no, don't feel like you shouldn't have posted it. Don't be afraid to share how you feel! We're here to help you. And like you said, venting also makes you feel better. I'm sorry for what happened with your friend. I lived through a very similar issue as you have, so I know what you feel. Just know that all of these are experiences that help us grow as a person.

But please don't misunderstand that growing means being completely mature and serious! Everyone is different, and some are more sensitive and child-like than others. Remember C.S. Lewis's words:
 
To be concerned about being grown up, to admire the grown up because it is grown up, to blush at the suspicion of being childish; these things are the marks of childhood and adolescence.[...]When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I had been found doing so. Now that I am fifty I read them openly. When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up.
 

Dr. Chim Richalds

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Loved Hot Rod!  Glad to know I'm also not alone on that.

As for that situation, glad you shared.  Sounds like a character builder.  I always think of the Tom Petty song "Best of Everything" when I think about past relationships like that.  Hope you go on to have a great relationship in the future with all that that one's taught you!
 

Masirimso17

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Guess what? That's right. I've been rejected by a girl yet again! The cycle just never fucking ends! Isn't that funny? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

So I met this girl in class and she's fucking perfect. So beautiful, blonde hair, brown puppy dog eyes, dorky/geeky film-superhero-Star Wars fan, kinda awkward sometimes, kinda confident in other times. Quite outspoken though. She's also an environmentalist, a film student, a literature and art lover... She is perfect. I get along with her okay, but I wanted to ask her out, for the purposes of getting to know her. I sent her a message if she wanted to see a movie with me. She said "You know what'd be really fun? Let's bring a group and go all together!" I wanted to be direct so I said "Actually I was thinking more 1-on-1 to get to know you better" and she replied with "Oh, um..." and didn't write back to me until I talked to her today.

Today when I talked to her she said she was on a date with a different person so she couldn't reply to me. It was with a girl I was also friends with so I just assumed it was a friendly date. She also said she was expecting me to write back after she said "Oh, um..." But I never did. She asked what I meant by "hang out". I said "You know, friendly date, to get to know each other". (I really shouldn't have said friendly date there, but the get to know thing was true). She said she didn't like going on 1-on-1 dates because it brings out her anxiety (she told me she has anxiety a few weeks ago in something unrelated, but she was on a date with that girl so I'm really not sure if this is the truth). I said I can understand and relate to that because waiting for her response the whole weekend I felt really anxious, and then we both laughed. I basically told her what I felt about her there, and even though I'm not sure how the "friendly date" thing affected her I think me kinda flubbering and being nervous made it clear I liked her, especially now with the "waiting for your response" thing. She also said she didn't like going on movie dates, and I said it doesn't have to be a movie date, it could be 1-on-1, it could be a group thing, it could be coffee, it could be dinner, anything she wants. And she said, "maybe". Then she was really happy when she went back to her other friend.

Later thinking about it and talking to another friend I learned that the date she was on in fact was romantic and she's bisexual, and I felt really bad for 1) getting in the way two people I really cared about, 2) not acting sooner, and 3) losing someone so extremely cool and hot (that's chemically impossible! but she is!) But maybe she was on a friendly date right? But still my friend said with the way she said "I'm not really comfortable with 1-on-1 dates and the fact that she has gone on one already, that she rejected me. And he's probably right. But I'm also so confused. Can someone shed some light? I can't see aaaaaaaaaaaaah

I have no idea what to do. Should I talk to her?

I'm in fucking COLLEGE now. I'm sick and tired of this loop I've been stuck in since fucking middle school, trying to get close with girls and falling flat on the face. They say practice makes perfect but I haven't been able to experience anything to practice! No kiss, no one interested in me romantically, no successful dates, no girlfriends. Nothing to go on. What am I doing wrong?? And it pisses me off when I miss out on such awesome girls like her. I'm such a loser. Goddammit.
 

addiesin

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Masirimso17 said:
I have no idea what to do. Should I talk to her?

What am I doing wrong??

I'm no expert on dating, but I've been married for a while now. I would not recommend continuing to pursue this girl in particular. It sounds like she's trying to get you to stop your advances in as polite a way as possible, so as not to ruin a potentially good friendship. You're in college, you're young and you will never again have as many peers in one place as you do right now, so I would recommend trying to start something less serious with someone new.

I think it's important when starting a romantic/non-platonic relationship to NOT suggest being friends; friends are platonic and non-romantic, and if the first impression with someone is that you want to be their friend, it's very difficult to change that impression, regardless of what you say later. For a while on the internet "friendzone" was a meme'd thing, but in my experience people who feel like they have been "friendzoned" put themselves in that situation 100% of the time. It's fine to want to be friends with anyone, but if that's not what you want, don't present yourself as though it is what you want, it inevitably leads to awkwardness and is a little dishonest.

Don't be afraid of rejection, but respect the other person's choice if they reject you. Take rejection in stride, "no problem, I understand, but I just had to ask". Consider it practice for next time. Don't put people up on a pedestal in your head, like they're unattainable and perfect. Nobody's perfect, and while it's nice to be admired, it's creepy to be worshipped. Don't avoid college parties you hear about. That is often a setting where people attend specifically to meet new people and see if they're fun. If you have trouble with that, try setting up some group outings and tell everyone to bring whoever they want. Grow your social circle however you can. Hell, ask out random strangers once in a while if they catch your eye, worst that could happen is they say no and then you both go on with your day. 

Have fun, act casual, be honest with your intentions, stop trying so hard to find the perfect person or to impress people, and things should turn around. You don't have to feel lonely just because you're single.
 

ChainsawAsh

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addiesin said:
Masirimso17 said:
I have no idea what to do. Should I talk to her?

What am I doing wrong??

Don't put people up on a pedestal in your head, like they're unattainable and perfect. Nobody's perfect, and while it's nice to be admired, it's creepy to be worshipped.

This is a very important thing that I wanted to quote because I thought it might have gotten buried in the rest of addiesin's all-around excellent response.
 

Gaith

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^ Agreed with both replies.

Also: whenever possible, do your initial asking out in person. Trust me, you'll have plenty of time to deal with the vagaries of texting and messages when you're away from college's wealth of peers and trying to meet total strangers online. For now, however, if you have an acquaintance with whom you share a class or something, if you want a date, ask her to her face. You'll get an instant answer, and will come across as far more confident, and confidence is key. :)
 

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I concur. Don't talk to her anymore unless it's organic. Things can't be forced. You've handled yourself with dignity and respectably thus far, you'll regret it if you ruin that. Get out now with your pride in tact.

Life's long, and you're young. There's no need to rush. Go out, have fun being yourself. Maybe take her up on the group thing, even if she doesn't see you the way you'd like it might still be a fun time, and it'll give you some practice socializing. Confidence and self assuredness is key.
 

Masirimso17

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@"addiesin" Thank you for the great advice. You have no idea how right you were.

I just had a conversation with my friend— her girlfriend. She told me how uncomfortable she got when I doubled down on the going out thing. I’m terrible at social interactions especially when it comes to girls I like, so when she told me she gets anxious at 1-on-1 dates I honestly couldn’t read that she was uncomfortable. I didn’t realize it but I just kept pushing and pushing her until friends had to step in and separate us. I feel so terrible.

The conversation was great without any tension though it was like a warning for me to be mindful of boundaries. I’ve had a similar issue with this before and I’m still struggling with this, but I never intend on overstepping boundaries or making people uncomfortable. I just suck at it. And my dream is to be a fucking director. How will I be able to direct people to act in the way I want them to if I can’t even read what their expressions and behaviors mean? I’m such a fucking idiot.

As a side note, I learned she is not bisexual but is gay, which is the reason she was not interested in me rather than something about me personally, which makes me feel better about the rejection but not at all about the whole mess. I was still an asshole.

Her girlfriend finally asked me to apologize to her when I see her again, and I was going to do that anyway. Tomorrow I’m going to tell how sorry I am and just give her the space she needs.

I never wanted this thing to get so complicated and messy! I guess experiences makes us grow and shit like that but I’d like it if I am not being an asshole while learning. Especially if this learning process is pretty much forever.
 

Masirimso17

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Possessed said:
You've handled yourself with dignity and respectably thus far,

Fuck no I didn’t :D You should read above ^

Possessed said:
you'll regret it if you ruin that. Get out now with your pride in tact.

I’ve already fucked this up.
Then again her girlfriend did say that she wanted to be friends. Hopefully we can, after I give her space and we get over this mess.

Possessed said:
Life's long, and you're young. There's no need to rush. Go out, have fun being yourself. Maybe take her up on the group thing, even if she doesn't see you the way you'd like it might still be a fun time, and it'll give you some practice socializing. Confidence and self assuredness is key.

Well, I sincerely thank you for that. And thank you all @"Gaith" and @"ChainsawAsh" too for the replies and advice I really appreciate it.

EDIT: Also the stuff I wrote have so many potential stuff for the “Out of Context” & “TWSS” threads so go nuts, let’s have some fun and laugh about this whole situation instead of crying!
 

Duragizer

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My mother may have to get started on dialysis. Her kidney function's fallen from 30% in July to 16%.
 

CatBus

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I have some slightly different overall advice for Masirimso17.  Lots of overlap with addiesin's too though.

First off, being lonely and needing companionship is a completely normal, natural, and understandable part of the human condition.  Frustratingly, being lonely and needing companionship are also two characteristics that tend to make prospective partners feel anxious around you -- especially if those feelings start to turn into desperation and low self-esteem.  So my #1 bit of advice is to get comfortable being on your own.  This is not because you'll be that way forever, but because a person who seems confident and happy with their own life is (again, perversely) more attractive to others than one who needs someone else.  So developing a sense of "I'm cool with myself just on my own" works out really well for you no matter what the outcome.  Ovid wrote, "If you want to be loved, be loveable."  This is how I interpret those words, and I think it's excellent advice.

Secondly, I'm going against addiesin's advice on friends.  IMO don't enter any relationship thinking "Here's a prospective life partner".  Start with friendship, or at least some sort of other no-pressure association (friend of a friend works well, etc).  It's less pressure on these other people, but it's also way the hell less pressure on you.  This friendship lets you learn about the person -- are they actually as nice as they seemed at first?  Are they already in a relationship or otherwise off-limits?  After a while, you may have already managed to avoid bad relationships and rejections without ever putting your ego on the line, just by knowing this stuff in advance.  But then someday (no, not after only a few weeks) you may decide that this person is worth trying to start a serious relationship with.  Keep your perspective -- you are NOT already committed to this person being "the one" or "the perfect woman" -- you just think they're pretty awesome and think it might be nice to see more of them.  Rejection isn't as big of a deal if you keep the stakes low.

I am also married, to the woman who was and still is my best friend.  Yes, it was risky, but I'd known her for several years, and knew enough about her at that point to know it was worth risking my ego.

I remember being in college.  I swear the hormones made me think every social interaction with a woman was quite possibly the end of the world.  It really, really isn't.  Just be nice to people.  All people.  Especially people you will never under any circumstances have any potential relationship with.  Friends will help you in a lot of unexpected ways in life.
 

CatBus

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Duragizer said:
My mother may have to get started on dialysis. Her kidney function's fallen from 30% in July to 16%.

Shit, I'm sorry to hear that.  Does she have both?
 

CatBus

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Duragizer said:
CatBus said:
Duragizer said:
My mother may have to get started on dialysis. Her kidney function's fallen from 30% in July to 16%.

Shit, I'm sorry to hear that.  Does she have both?

She has both.

It occurred to me after writing that that I don't actually know if that's better, but I hope it is.
 

Masirimso17

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@"Duragizer" Sorry to hear that Duragizer. You have my support.

@"CatBus" Thanks a lot for the valuable advice and kind words.
 

jswert123456

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things in y life has drastically iproved, monday i found a rv caper with all bills paid and free wi-fi wthin y budget, as of last night me and the puppies spent our first night here, and we walked away from my parents home and the headache for a house the goverment will eventually take.
 

Jrzag42

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I hate myself so much. I hate everything that I do, the lack of things I do, the things I say, and I always feel like a nuisance to everyone.
 

macmilln

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jrWHAG42 said:
I hate myself so much. I hate everything that I do, the lack of things I do, the things I say, and I always feel like a nuisance to everyone.

I feel weird liking this... so I'll reply instead.

It's not like we know eachother very well, but from what I've read from you/the small communication I've had from you, you seem like a pretty good guy. You're polite when asking for edits, we've had some good laughs on the Discord, and I enjoy reading your ideas and Scribbling Thread.

I totally get how you feel, though, man. I've been there. Since I was ~12 I've struggled with depression, I got close to killing myself a few times but fought against it. A little over a year ago I was sitting on the edge of a bridge, not ready to fall off, but hoping I'd lose balance. While I wouldn't say I hated myself, I was certainly unhappy with my life and what I was doing with it.

I can't quite say why I didn't go down that night, but, for some reason, I stood up and walked home. Burned the note I left on my bed, and carried on with my life. It didn't get better right then, I had some shit going on with a relationship that made things get a lot worse for a bit, and it still isn't better now. But I feel pretty good now.

I still don't wanna get out of bed every morning. But it's no longer because every night I wished I'd stay asleep. I'm just tired cause I stayed up too late. I still feel bad when I don't do well, when I get rejected, or when people talk shit. But it's no longer this infinite sadness that keeps me restless. I used to zone out a lot and start contemplating my existence - when I say "a lot" I mean a few times an hour, in school, at home, out with friends, wherever. Some days it's hard, but most days I'm alright now.

I'm not trying to hijack your thoughts or make some cringy speech, although I've just done both... But I just figured since we're around the same age, and we obviously share some interests as we're both on here, I'd tell you what's going on with me, let you know you're not alone, and if you keep living life, no matter how hard it seems, it'll get better.

Though, maybe you're too young to understand. Maybe you'll get it when you've matured as I have.
 
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