addiesin
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Inspired by Duragizer's Superman, I've decided to work on a spec script for what could have been.
I have a detailed plot and am converting it to screenplay format. Here's my version of Episode 1. It's a work in progress and a first draft. Critique is welcome.
Edit/addendum/details:
And now, the beginning of the screenplay:
More to come as it's written. I'll be back to correct typos periodically as well. It's written on a phone keyboard in my spare time. Please enjoy.
If you read and you don't see what I'm doing, there's a lot of seeds and setup. I'm repurposing many characters and keeping their names and designs and even most of their actors from the actual prequels, but their roles are all different, and the devil is in the details.
I have a detailed plot and am converting it to screenplay format. Here's my version of Episode 1. It's a work in progress and a first draft. Critique is welcome.
Edit/addendum/details:
The forum posts have limited formatting options, but there will be a Google Drive link available with all up-to-date progress and typo fixes included.
So where did this come from?
Essentially I realized I complain about the prequels a lot, but they had a lot going for them.
So where did this come from?
Essentially I realized I complain about the prequels a lot, but they had a lot going for them.
- The music was excellent
- Casting was also excellent
- The best special effects company in the world at the time was in charge of the visuals
- The franchise had possible the biggest reach of any intellectual property
And now, the beginning of the screenplay:
EXT. SPACE
A star field lies static. Text appears and disappears as though it's physically present.
TITLES:
"A long time ago in a galaxy far far away."
"Star Wars: Episode 1
A Desperate Motion
or
The Phantom Menace (rewritten from scratch)
CRAWL:
"The once peaceful Galactic Republic has over-extended its reach in war, allowing a separatist group known as The Collective to gain momentum in its recruitment of planets and systems.
"In a final effort to save a dying government, Princess Padme Arkady of the industrial planet, Coruscant, Capital Megacity of the Republic, is set to marry heir apparent Prince Jacen Amidala of Alderaan on his coronation day to symbolically solidify a peaceful Alliance at the core of the galaxy for the Republic.
"Meanwhile, Benjam Kenobi, one of the last apprentices of the art of the Force, nears the completion of his training. He's been sent to create his own version of the sacred ancient weapon of the Jedi."
EXT. SPACE/ PLANET ILUM
Pan from the star field down to a rocky, stormy planet. There is a particular set of rocks with an entrance to the deep tunnels.
INT. ILUM CAVE - DAY
Benjam Kenobi is on his final trial to become a Jedi Knight. He dashes through a cave, pressured by unseen beasts. He takes a moment to place his hand on the cave walls, feeling for something. He darts one way down a fork in the path, eventually seeing a violet light approach. He attempts to collect a bright crystal, the source of the light, when he nears, but it crackles with electricity as he tries to communicate with it.
BEN
It's the wrong one.
Ben hears a noise, just a rustle, like paws shifting in gravel. He closes his eyes, feels the heat of the breath on his neck. It's right behind him. He whispers to himself.
BEN
I have a bad feeling about this.
Too much time spent stationary, a shape in the shadows leaps at him, pinning him down. Ben closes his eyes and with a whoosh, the beast thing is flung off and he’s free again.
BEN
Well, not too bad after all… oh. Oh, dear.
He sees more shadows approaching quickly. He darts down another path, where another light appears, this one blue. At the end of the tunnel is a carved out clearing like a stage for the crystal, ready for its audience. Placing his hand on the surrounding rock, he smiles, even as the room fills with hungry foes.
BEN
There you are. And here I am.
He retrieves it without touch, and it shoots through the very air into his hand. Ben shoves the crystal violently into a metal tube handle that had been pinned to his belt and twists a mechanism to lock it in place. The room goes quiet and dark just for a beat (the beasts had been somewhat mesmerized by the light of the crystal but are now stirring again) as the silence is first disturbed by one lunging at Ben prematurely (connecting at the shoulder), then slaughtered as a great wall of sound and beam of light erupts from the end of the metal handle, buzzing with energy and giving the beasts in pursuit a brief but dazzling display of dancing light and meat.
EXT. ILUM SURFACE
Upon exiting the cave, and after temporarily treating a dislocated shoulder, Ben spots strange crystal guardian spirits in the distance, not unlike flying jellyfish, the final line of natural defense on this planet, headed his way. A lizard man in Kenobi's ship cabin panics and initiates a launch.
PILOT
Sky-walkers incoming! Kenobi, come in, this vessel will depart without rendezvous in ten-
INT. BEN'S SHIP
The young Jedi runs and dives into his ship.
BEN
Wait, I can still make it! Please don't leave without me! No!
Ben kicks the cabin door, startling the reptilian pilot, Meleon Cam. Kenobi and the helper Droid are both laughing.
PILOT
I'm glad you're enjoying yourself. We're just all about to die, that's all. No rush. No rush.
EXT. SPACE
The ship breaks out of the atmosphere, evading the sky-walkers and detaching the few that had already made contact. But the creatures wail a chorus of alarms and lights until a colorful storm envelops their planet.
INT. BEN'S SHIP
The storm goes unnoticed by the escapees. Ben retreats to his quarters and changes into new clothes.
BEN
You weren't really gonna leave me, right, Meleon?
PILOT
Eh, never, my friend. I just know when you need a kick in the arse.
BEN
Are you trying to call me stubborn? Over an intercom? You know I'm a Jedi now!
PILOT
Not til the ceremony. I can still take you on.
BEN
Yeah, yeah.
EXT. SPACE/NEAR ILUM
The glowing colors of the sky-walker storm alert nearby pirates of the presence of the ship.
INT. PIRATE SHIP
Two pirates, one a Droid and one a large organic man-thing with four arms are in the cabin tracking the fleeing ship.
HAX
Ooh, that looks like a sweet one. Full of rich stuff.
ARMS
Captain will be pleased.
HAX connects a wire to a circuit board and raises a mic.
HAX
Attention, fleet. Incoming operation.
EXT. SPACE/ OUTSIDE THE SHIPS
The pirates ride in the trail of the Jedi ship, then launch spider-like hooks to make contact. Once they latch on, the hooks deploy lines of rope-like material behind them, which the pirates individually catch and use to board.
INT. BEN'S SHIP
They break through the airlock door, at least five of them make it in. But the airlock depressurizes, causing the entire ship to start to spin. Hax, the Droid pirate, climbs along the walls nimbly. Arms tries to leap at a startled Ben, who manages to Force-throw a table at the hole where the door once was.
Arms lands on the ship's floor, hitting his head hard, but it's like he has a built-in helmet, he's not phased. A crate smacks Ben in the face, and everything fades black. When he comes to, he finds he's tied up and hears a slow beeping, creeping in acceleration. The pirates surround him, Hax and Arms argue, another with peg leg and eyepatch pacing to the beat of the beeping, one who wears circuits and wires almost like jewelry working on the broken door, and a silent stoic gunman in Mandalorian armor stands in the corner, his back to the wall.
ARMS
I can't believe it.
HAX
No rich stuff at all. You killed that pilot for no reason.
PEG
Lookie, he's waking up.
HAX
You should know you're about to go into hyperdrive without any calculations. I took the liberty.
ARMS
You'll probably run right into a star if you're lucky. Get to see one up close.
PEG
Let's get outta here, the Captain’ll be back.
TECHIE
Airlock’s ready!
BEN
You'll pay for what you've done.
The beeping is fast now. He barely reaches his lightsaber but it falls to the ground. He reaches again and just wobbles it with the Force, unable to retrieve it.
HAX
Ooh, what's this? Not bad, not bad at all. Young guy, where'd you steal this?
BEN
I'm warning you, you outlying nerf-herder.
Techie cackles with unexpected laughter briefly at the insult, then catches himself and adjusts his binocular specs overly nonchalantly.
ARMS
Sorry, no time to chat. Peg's right.
HAX
Later kid, Captain Maul sends his regards.
Arms opens the airlock. The pirates collect into the shaft, and reconnect their lines. They exit, leaping into the void back to their own ship, taking the lightsaber. The beeping is chaotically fast, and triggers into a straight tone. Ben, hands tied, holds his breath as the ship enters hyperspace.
A star field lies static. Text appears and disappears as though it's physically present.
TITLES:
"A long time ago in a galaxy far far away."
"Star Wars: Episode 1
A Desperate Motion
or
The Phantom Menace (rewritten from scratch)
CRAWL:
"The once peaceful Galactic Republic has over-extended its reach in war, allowing a separatist group known as The Collective to gain momentum in its recruitment of planets and systems.
"In a final effort to save a dying government, Princess Padme Arkady of the industrial planet, Coruscant, Capital Megacity of the Republic, is set to marry heir apparent Prince Jacen Amidala of Alderaan on his coronation day to symbolically solidify a peaceful Alliance at the core of the galaxy for the Republic.
"Meanwhile, Benjam Kenobi, one of the last apprentices of the art of the Force, nears the completion of his training. He's been sent to create his own version of the sacred ancient weapon of the Jedi."
EXT. SPACE/ PLANET ILUM
Pan from the star field down to a rocky, stormy planet. There is a particular set of rocks with an entrance to the deep tunnels.
INT. ILUM CAVE - DAY
Benjam Kenobi is on his final trial to become a Jedi Knight. He dashes through a cave, pressured by unseen beasts. He takes a moment to place his hand on the cave walls, feeling for something. He darts one way down a fork in the path, eventually seeing a violet light approach. He attempts to collect a bright crystal, the source of the light, when he nears, but it crackles with electricity as he tries to communicate with it.
BEN
It's the wrong one.
Ben hears a noise, just a rustle, like paws shifting in gravel. He closes his eyes, feels the heat of the breath on his neck. It's right behind him. He whispers to himself.
BEN
I have a bad feeling about this.
Too much time spent stationary, a shape in the shadows leaps at him, pinning him down. Ben closes his eyes and with a whoosh, the beast thing is flung off and he’s free again.
BEN
Well, not too bad after all… oh. Oh, dear.
He sees more shadows approaching quickly. He darts down another path, where another light appears, this one blue. At the end of the tunnel is a carved out clearing like a stage for the crystal, ready for its audience. Placing his hand on the surrounding rock, he smiles, even as the room fills with hungry foes.
BEN
There you are. And here I am.
He retrieves it without touch, and it shoots through the very air into his hand. Ben shoves the crystal violently into a metal tube handle that had been pinned to his belt and twists a mechanism to lock it in place. The room goes quiet and dark just for a beat (the beasts had been somewhat mesmerized by the light of the crystal but are now stirring again) as the silence is first disturbed by one lunging at Ben prematurely (connecting at the shoulder), then slaughtered as a great wall of sound and beam of light erupts from the end of the metal handle, buzzing with energy and giving the beasts in pursuit a brief but dazzling display of dancing light and meat.
EXT. ILUM SURFACE
Upon exiting the cave, and after temporarily treating a dislocated shoulder, Ben spots strange crystal guardian spirits in the distance, not unlike flying jellyfish, the final line of natural defense on this planet, headed his way. A lizard man in Kenobi's ship cabin panics and initiates a launch.
PILOT
Sky-walkers incoming! Kenobi, come in, this vessel will depart without rendezvous in ten-
INT. BEN'S SHIP
The young Jedi runs and dives into his ship.
BEN
Wait, I can still make it! Please don't leave without me! No!
Ben kicks the cabin door, startling the reptilian pilot, Meleon Cam. Kenobi and the helper Droid are both laughing.
PILOT
I'm glad you're enjoying yourself. We're just all about to die, that's all. No rush. No rush.
EXT. SPACE
The ship breaks out of the atmosphere, evading the sky-walkers and detaching the few that had already made contact. But the creatures wail a chorus of alarms and lights until a colorful storm envelops their planet.
INT. BEN'S SHIP
The storm goes unnoticed by the escapees. Ben retreats to his quarters and changes into new clothes.
BEN
You weren't really gonna leave me, right, Meleon?
PILOT
Eh, never, my friend. I just know when you need a kick in the arse.
BEN
Are you trying to call me stubborn? Over an intercom? You know I'm a Jedi now!
PILOT
Not til the ceremony. I can still take you on.
BEN
Yeah, yeah.
EXT. SPACE/NEAR ILUM
The glowing colors of the sky-walker storm alert nearby pirates of the presence of the ship.
INT. PIRATE SHIP
Two pirates, one a Droid and one a large organic man-thing with four arms are in the cabin tracking the fleeing ship.
HAX
Ooh, that looks like a sweet one. Full of rich stuff.
ARMS
Captain will be pleased.
HAX connects a wire to a circuit board and raises a mic.
HAX
Attention, fleet. Incoming operation.
EXT. SPACE/ OUTSIDE THE SHIPS
The pirates ride in the trail of the Jedi ship, then launch spider-like hooks to make contact. Once they latch on, the hooks deploy lines of rope-like material behind them, which the pirates individually catch and use to board.
INT. BEN'S SHIP
They break through the airlock door, at least five of them make it in. But the airlock depressurizes, causing the entire ship to start to spin. Hax, the Droid pirate, climbs along the walls nimbly. Arms tries to leap at a startled Ben, who manages to Force-throw a table at the hole where the door once was.
Arms lands on the ship's floor, hitting his head hard, but it's like he has a built-in helmet, he's not phased. A crate smacks Ben in the face, and everything fades black. When he comes to, he finds he's tied up and hears a slow beeping, creeping in acceleration. The pirates surround him, Hax and Arms argue, another with peg leg and eyepatch pacing to the beat of the beeping, one who wears circuits and wires almost like jewelry working on the broken door, and a silent stoic gunman in Mandalorian armor stands in the corner, his back to the wall.
ARMS
I can't believe it.
HAX
No rich stuff at all. You killed that pilot for no reason.
PEG
Lookie, he's waking up.
HAX
You should know you're about to go into hyperdrive without any calculations. I took the liberty.
ARMS
You'll probably run right into a star if you're lucky. Get to see one up close.
PEG
Let's get outta here, the Captain’ll be back.
TECHIE
Airlock’s ready!
BEN
You'll pay for what you've done.
The beeping is fast now. He barely reaches his lightsaber but it falls to the ground. He reaches again and just wobbles it with the Force, unable to retrieve it.
HAX
Ooh, what's this? Not bad, not bad at all. Young guy, where'd you steal this?
BEN
I'm warning you, you outlying nerf-herder.
Techie cackles with unexpected laughter briefly at the insult, then catches himself and adjusts his binocular specs overly nonchalantly.
ARMS
Sorry, no time to chat. Peg's right.
HAX
Later kid, Captain Maul sends his regards.
Arms opens the airlock. The pirates collect into the shaft, and reconnect their lines. They exit, leaping into the void back to their own ship, taking the lightsaber. The beeping is chaotically fast, and triggers into a straight tone. Ben, hands tied, holds his breath as the ship enters hyperspace.
More to come as it's written. I'll be back to correct typos periodically as well. It's written on a phone keyboard in my spare time. Please enjoy.
If you read and you don't see what I'm doing, there's a lot of seeds and setup. I'm repurposing many characters and keeping their names and designs and even most of their actors from the actual prequels, but their roles are all different, and the devil is in the details.