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I've now watched the third version and it's approved! The music issue at the end is fixed up and the musical crossfade in the first part is much better.
This a good streamlined fanfix for anybody who felt that JW went on too long. The removal of the entire Vincent D'Onofrio character and subplot, is a classic and clever piece of fanediting. If something can be removed this seamlessly, did it ever really need to be in the film?
Congratulations @"ironman23"