Crouching Dragon—The Tiger Lily Cut

[ssj]

CROUCHING DRAGON—THE TIGER LILY CUT
a TRUE FANEDIT by ssj
​

With entirely rewritten English subtitles, this edit profanely and absurdly alters the story of the original Mandarin-language movie. Eastern fantasy themes and western medieval fantasy are hustled into a lush honeymoon suite where they must show each other their privates.

Original film name: Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
Film studio name: Sony Pictures Classics
Film release year: 2000
Original runtime: 120 minutes
Fanedit release date: August 2012
New runtime: 94 minutes
Amount of time cut: 26 minutes

INTENTION:
To spray graffiti on moving pictures. The original movie explored earnest themes, including the recklessness of youth, the complicated nature of student-pupil relationships, and the restricted lives of women. This edit replaces such worthy considerations with an alternate story line.

CHANGES:
Added more than 730 subtitles.
Removed a whole lot of dialogue-intensive scenes, removed the marriage subplot, leaving the fight scenes intact between. . . a whole lot of talking.
Removed the characters for “tiger” and “hidden” from the title screen and added the modified English title in the same font as the original.
Several audio issues, including overly loud dialogue during a fight scene and brief audio/video asynchrony, exist in the original movie; these problems remain uncorrected.

CONTENT ADVISORY:
Mature language, sexuality, drug references, simulated violence, and supernatural shit.

SPECIAL THANKS:
To blueyoda and Neglify for reviewing the workprint and providing invaluable feedback.
To Captain Khajiit for industrial-strength technical wisdom.
To Brumous, Gatos, geminigod, juice4z0, L8wrtr, Neglify, Q2, reave, Stankpac, theslime, ThrowgnCpr, and wabid for additional technical guidance.
To emphatic for translating this obscenity into Swedish.
To everyone at Fanedit.org.
To my family for putting up with this project.
To Ang Lee and the original cast and crew for playing it straight, by which they were clearly anticipating the release of this farcical version years later.

TIME NEEDED TO CREATE THIS EDITION:
About 14 months, including six months of neglect.

RELEASE INFORMATION:
High-def mp4: resolution 1280x528, AAC stereo 256 kbps, 2.28 GB.
Standard-def mp4: resolution 960x400, AAC stereo 160 kbps, 1.35 GB.
Coming soon: an HD version with Swedish subtitles, courtesy of emphatic; a DVD version, courtesy of Captain Khajiit.

SPECIAL FEATURES:
Cover art, discless disc art, trailer, and promotional material featuring Michelle Yeoh.

Trailer

Promo

This edit is available via Mediafire. It'll be listed soon on .info, but please PM me if you'd like to see it sooner.

 

[Neglify]

Fuck yeah! I urge everybody to see this, it's hysterical.

 

[emphatic]

Congrats on finishing!

 

[JetSetWilly]

Just watching that trailer made me laugh hard.

"A cat god? Is that the only p*ssy you get?"

Pure gold.

 

[ssj]

thanks for the kind wurds, all.

spankin' shout-out to captain khajiit who is assembling the DVD and HD mp4 versions. . . without even breaking a sweat.

 

[Neglify]

This edit's bout to get

KHAJIITED

 

[ssj]

the 720p version (1280x528) is now on usenet, thanks to the good captain. i'm DLing this now and will UL to mediafire.

 

[Captain Khajiit]

An NTSC DVD-5 is also up.

Details

• anamorphic widescreen
• AC-3 2.0 audio at 224kbps
• simple static menus
• chapter stops
• bonus feature and trailer
• cover and disc art included in the upload

 

[njvc]

Brilliant. Can't wait to see this ssj, I'll check out the 720p version in the coming days. I truly look forward to seeing what your slightly demented mind cooks up when expressed through the wonderful medium of fanedits... :-D bring it on.

 

[ssj]

just a word of warning, navajo viceroy. . . watching this FE will cause you to grow man boobs.

and eyeball hairs. :biggrin1:

 

[JetSetWilly]

I've already got the man boobs, so I'm half way there :lol::lol:

And, may I say, this film is totally bonkers.






I love it!!!!


Onward, with the wizard's ganja!

 

[ssj]

last night i DLed the HD (720p) mp4 from usenet, and i must say. . . WOW. it looks fantastic, better than my 1080p attempt, which got soft via several encodings. hats off to captain khajiit, who put a tremendous amount of effort into helping a n00b such as myself to get this foistling out the gates. the captain took the blu-ray source and my custom materials and directly encoded a hardsubbed version.

i'm in the process of DLing the DVD version from usenet. again, thanks to the captain, who worked furiously not only creating this but doing it so that its availability would come on the heels of the standard-def mp4 release.

the 720p mp4 (1280x528; 2.28 GB) is now available on mediafire as well. PM me if you'd like to give it a spin but don't use usenet.

for those who're about to watch the edit. . . i play a minor trick with the subtitles in a handful of places. you'll see it in the SD version but not the HD encoding.

cheers!

 

[Gatos]

I quickly realized what I was in for with this edit after the first subtitle appears on the screen. It set the tone. This edit is flat out funny. Now that's no guarantee that everyone will like it. People have different senses of humor etc. But there are some genius moments in this edit. I found myself laughing out loud on several occasions. Props to ssj for some clever "phonetic translations" of the spoken words in a few spots in the movie. And there were some great subtitles for some of the written stuff as well.

This edit is not simply a series of one liners either, not just a case of "hmmm let me make all the subtitles funny". That would have been too easy and would have resulted in a far inferior edit IMO. ssj weaves a coherent (and very entertaining) plot

So if it's been awhile since you've watched Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon or you're tired of seeing it in its theatrical form, I say to you:

Grab some goat cheese and boozemilk. Seat thy ass! And watch this edit.

 

[ssj]

catmen (gatos and the good captain) and neglonator: senkyu for the reviews!

but i didn't write the subtitles. my cat did.

 

[Neglify]

but i didn't write the subtitles. my cat did.

Well then I love your pussy.

 

[ssj]

you can play with it any time.

 

[ssj]

oh, i forgot to mention: i sent some of you links for the 915-MB mp4; but i re-encoded this sucker soon afterwards, and the final standard-def mp4 now weighs in @ 1.35 GB. PM me if you'd like to give it a ride.

doll hind cow.

 

[Neglify]

you can play with it any time.

:tsk:

 

[ssj]

@ gatos: the phonetic translations were a fun challenge. before i'd write a particular scene, i'd listen to the dialogue to come up with plot/convo ideas and to assess the character's tone and state of mind, i.e., things that could be messed with.

if the actors said something that actually sounded like english, then i'd run with it—i would consider that word or phrase a keystone, then i'd have fun trying to come up with a joke surrounding (largely preceding) that phrase. in a way, this process was somewhat easier than coming up with dialogue/plot cut from whole cloth, because the "engrish" wrote itself and pointed the way.

in udder nyooz. . . .

can't really share this movie with my kids, b/c they're too young for the crazy shit within. [see content advisory.]

i watched the first few minutes of Crouching with my mother a couple nights ago. she knows i'd been working on this for the last year, but b/c her english is limited, she thought she wouldn't be able to enjoy this. to help her follow the story, i paused frequently and translated the trickier parts into korean.

and we had a grand ol' time! watching this thing in chunks, we should be able to get thru the whole movie in a couple months.

 

[Gatos]

i watched the first few minutes of Crouching with my mother a couple nights ago. she knows i'd been working on this for the last year, but b/c her english is limited, she thought she wouldn't be able to enjoy this. to help her follow the story, i paused frequently and translated the trickier parts into korean.

and we had a grand ol' time! watching this thing in chunks, we should be able to get thru the whole movie in a couple months.

That's awesome