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dangermouse said:
I think you've cut too much and so the film is too jumpy.
Oh no, my worst fears confirmed!
dangermouse said:
Been cut too heavily. For example, he gets the key to the car, gets in the car... and then jump cut to arriving at lunch with Mathis...with Vesper? How did she get there?
Hmm. The original scene goes like this:
a.) Bond sits in Aston
b.) opens envelope telling him about the new car and then says "I love you too M"
c.) looks at the defibrillator and combi-pens
d.) retrieves gun from car
e.) exits the car
f.) cut to Bond & Vesper meeting Mathis
I didn't want to keep this scene, for three reasons:
- I don't appreciate that M has to give him a car - the Aston is Bond's signature car (on that same note, I tried mighty hard to cut Bond winning the DB5 from Dimitrios, but it just didn't work).
- Defibrillator isn't used later in the film.
- Bond retrieves his gun here, but then he retrieves it again from reception later... I'm not sure why the film repeats this beat, but cutting it here made sense to me.
My version, for those playing along at home
Arguably, the original film doesn't play out any more logically. He exits the car, then we cut to Bond & Vesper meeting Mathis. So what happened there? I guess he collected Vesper from the hotel, then went back out to the car so they could meet Mathis. In my version, I think a similar sequence of events is suggested - perhaps Bond pulls the Aston up to the hotel, collects Vesper, then they leave together.
Perhaps I'll give Bond something to do in the car, so the scene has more of a purpose. Then he can also step out of the car, too. I'll see what I can do.
dangermouse said:
Bug tracking is at the wrong time - Le Chiffe gets called and leaves, then Bond places the bug, then he can track him.
If you check my list of changes, I didn't actually touch that part of the film!
dangermouse said:
I think cutting M's suspicion was a mistake. He's a rookie, who screwed up - she would be unsure if she'd judged right after his bombmaker episode.
You might recall that my intention was to eliminate the Bond-as-rookie stuff. I suppose either I've not succeeded in my intention, or perhaps your prior knowledge of the film is colouring your perception of the fanedit. Not sure which - maybe both. What do you think? I'm considering retooling some of the Bond/M stuff, so we'll see what happens here.
dangermouse said:
All the action beats are solidly cut.
Thanks.
dangermouse said:
Why did you cut the password being vesper? - you left it in at the beginning. It's a big point in her realising she can trust Bond.
I did keep Bond entering a password in the casino, yes, because Mendel asked him to. However, I cut his knowing smile before typing the password, which is the only reference to the password being "Vesper." (The keys Bond hits don't even spell Vesper, btw - a minor goof in the original film).
Anyway, why I cut this part... a couple reasons:
- Bond using "Vesper" as his password is adolescent and unprofessional, and I'm trying to make him more mature. The script might have been "young Bond," but Craig is definitely not "young Bond."
- He names his signature martini "Vesper" as well, and I think that sufficiently displays how taken Bond is with her.
As for Vesper trusting Bond... I'm trying to cut the (IMO) superficial thread of "trust" that runs through the script. I don't think it's a theme that emerges naturally from the story. When M tells Bond "I need to know I can trust you, and that you know who to trust" - to me, that's just clumsy, ugly writing that forces nearly non-existent subtext into character's mouths. Anyway, I could prattle on about this, but maybe some other time.
dangermouse said:
However, I must say I enjoyed the film, and I was impressed with your editing skills. CR is a bit bloated!
I'm glad you enjoyed it overall! I appreciate the time you took to view and give feedback.
dangermouse said:
Quite a few obvious areas where cuts were made. Not visual or auditory, just pauses or jumps in the conversation which make it obvious something has been cut.
Any others you can recall that you haven't mentioned? This is good stuff for me to know.
Well, it's been almost a year since I started this fanedit! It's definitely been a learning experience. I'm eager to kick the project out of the nest and move on with my life... but other than dangermouse, I've only received feedback from friends and family.
So is there anyone else who would be willing to do a comprehensive, detailed review? It's a bit of an undertaking, for sure, but it would be really valuable for me and I'd appreciate it.