Andreas said:
[UPDATE]
Here we go again! Tell me.
Not gonna lie, I love the clip, especially Palpatine's "a tragedy has occurred...which started
right here" line, throwing shade at the bad government...but I think I'm honestly starting to miss the actor from the fan film saying his lines. The acting isn't great, but it gives the viewer context as to why he's there to begin with. The tricky thing about crafting new scenes like this is that good scenes are able to stand on their own as well as adding to the film as a whole (that's why the phrase "the whole is greater than the sum of its parts exists).
I think something else that would help is the use of montage. At it stands, you only cut to Naboo twice, which doesn't really make that footage feel like it belongs in the movie. Cutting to it three times (the Jedi alone talking into his intercom, the Jedi walking alone and being ambushed by Maul, and the Jedi defeated by Maul) would give it time to breath and help it stick in our minds better.