ANDREAS presents: STAR WARS - Episode I - The Ancient Lore [TPM Remade]

[The Scribbling Man]

First clip seems good to me. No complaints outside of some minor audio editing quibbles (am I right in thinking you've used multiple pieces of music for this?) Seemed to me like a couple of transitions were quite noticeable - but I'm being seriously nitpicky here. 

Second clip works well, particularly the scoring. The cutting between an action scene (Maul) and the political situation is a great idea. Personally, I wouldn't have used the fan footage, since it doesn't look like part of the same film to me - the main giveaway being Mauls face, his makeup being noticeably less detailed. However, I wouldn't expect you to go back on this decision. What I would maybe do, is avoid closeups of Mauls face where you can (when using fan footage), or at the very least lingering on the shots for too long. I would also maybe insert another clip of them fighting in between the two that are there/splitting what you currently have between three clips (I hope that makes sense?). To me it felt like you waited too long before the second clip came in, and I was wondering if we were going to see the result of the battle. Having it switch between the two scenes slightly more frequently would ramp up the tension nicely.

Edit: Only just watched the 3rd clip. Naturally, not a fan due to the shots of Fan-Mauls face, though I'm not sure what footage is available that could help with that (is it possible to veil his face in shadow?). What you want to communicate with Yoda seems fine, though I'd have to watch it in context of the film. The last cutaway from his face to the establishing shot though is too abrupt.

 

[Andreas]

First clip seems good to me. No complaints outside of some minor audio editing quibbles (am I right in thinking you've used multiple pieces of music for this?) Seemed to me like a couple of transitions were quite noticeable - but I'm being seriously nitpicky here. 

Second clip works well, particularly the scoring. The cutting between an action scene (Maul) and the political situation is a great idea. Personally, I wouldn't have used the fan footage, since it doesn't look like part of the same film to me - the main giveaway being Mauls face, his makeup being noticeably less detailed. However, I wouldn't expect you to go back on this decision. What I would maybe do, is avoid closeups of Mauls face where you can (when using fan footage), or at the very least lingering on the shots for too long. I would also maybe insert another clip of them fighting in between the two that are there/splitting what you currently have between three clips (I hope that makes sense?). To me it felt like you waited too long before the second clip came in, and I was wondering if we were going to see the result of the battle. Having it switch between the two scenes slightly more frequently would ramp up the tension nicely.

Thank you, Scribbling Man!

Yes, you are correct - there is a lot going on and a lot of new and replaced audio, so there will be finishes to that part absolutely. Either way, thank you for pointing that out! Every minor quibble could be something I had overlooked.

Thank you. I completely understand where you are coming from and I don't consider the fan footage to be finished. I am not satisfied with the complete color grading of it as of yet, and feel the same way. I feel it's not quite there. An idea I've been thinking about is turning that paticular scene into a night scene. Do you think that might give it a more deserving place amongst the original footage? The darkness might help a lot in hiding some of the more flawed details and therefore give a better overall feeling to the scenes.
I'll have to see about if i introduce the second clip a little quicker, but the only gripe for that is that the dialogue ends before a clip very nicely - almost as on a punchline, so it would be hard to find another place to put it in if you understand what i mean.

I'll try a couple of things out - the night time and a quicker introduction of clip 2 (or a replacement clip in-between those two) and see if that does wonders.

 

[The Scribbling Man]

I just edited my post to suggest hiding his face in shadow before seeing your post - but putting the scene at night is a good idea and probably a bit more practical than my suggestion  

 

[Andreas]

I just edited my post to suggest hiding his face in shadow before seeing your post - but putting the scene at night is a good idea and probably a bit more practical than my suggestion  

Haha, there you go! Brilliant minds think alike.

I'll see if it does some magic!

 

[Nic]

Clip 1: When Qui-Gon announces the Sith's return, getting reactions from everyone is good, but Obi-Wan standing in front of the wall is jarring after having just seen him stand next to Qui-Gon in front of a window. The extra shots of Windu make it seems like he distrusts Qui-Gon more than the thought of Anakin, and there's no indication as to why that would be the case in this clip. Hopefully things will be better cleared up as the edit takes further shape.

Clip 2: The first 20 seconds alone contain 6 different cuts, 4 of which last 2 seconds each, making everything feel too hyperkinetic for the somber, darker tone you're trying to achieve. I like the Malestarian's immediately speaking up after the Trade Federation, it better sells the idea that most of the government is corrupt, but you cut to and then away from the Federation so quickly that it feels hyperkinetic again and doesn't leave enough time for the audience to register everything.

I love the use of the fan film, but since we aren't seeing the scene of Sidious telling Maul to kill the Jedi Scouts on Naboo, I don't know if the footage of Naboo from the fan film needs to be replaced by a proper image from TPM, or if the jumpcuts to Naboo need to be replaced with more Star Wars style wipes.

Clip 3: I'm all for reshifting the focus of scenes to Yoda (that's how L8wrtr's version of Order 66 worked) but more can be done here. After meeting with Anakin, you should cut to Yoda in the temple, meditating, then sensing the apprehension in Maul killing the Jedi Scouts, it plays out better.

Overall, nice ideas that need tightening. If there's one thing you excel at, it's adding in music to make scenes more dramatic. Can't wait for more.

 

[Zamros]

^Regrading both to be night scenes would work perfectly. Not just to hide the changes in Maul's look, but to maintain visual consistency with the dark Senate and meditation rooms.

 

[Andreas]

Clip 1: When Qui-Gon announces the Sith's return, getting reactions from everyone is good, but Obi-Wan standing in front of the wall is jarring after having just seen him stand next to Qui-Gon in front of a window. The extra shots of Windu make it seems like he distrusts Qui-Gon more than the thought of Anakin, and there's no indication as to why that would be the case in this clip. Hopefully things will be better cleared up as the edit takes further shape.

Clip 2: The first 20 seconds alone contain 6 different cuts, 4 of which last 2 seconds each, making everything feel too hyperkinetic for the somber, darker tone you're trying to achieve. I like the Malestarian's immediately speaking up after the Trade Federation, it better sells the idea that most of the government is corrupt, but you cut to and then away from the Federation so quickly that it feels hyperkinetic again and doesn't leave enough time for the audience to register everything.

I love the use of the fan film, but since we aren't seeing the scene of Sidious telling Maul to kill the Jedi Scouts on Naboo, I don't know if the footage of Naboo from the fan film needs to be replaced by a proper image from TPM, or if the jumpcuts to Naboo need to be replaced with more Star Wars style wipes.

Clip 3: I'm all for reshifting the focus of scenes to Yoda (that's how L8wrtr's version of Order 66 worked) but more can be done here. After meeting with Anakin, you should cut to Yoda in the temple, meditating, then sensing the apprehension in Maul killing the Jedi Scouts, it plays out better.

Overall, nice ideas that need tightening. If there's one thing you excel at, it's adding in music to make scenes more dramatic. Can't wait for more.

Thank you for a lot of constructive criticism - always needed to shape the edit into a better version of itself.
Clip 1:
- I agree on the Obi-Wan reaction. That one should come later if not at all. It's the type of cut that works if you miss the placing of the characters, but a flaw nonetheless, and a confusing one.
- As of distrusing Qui-Gon, I kind of disagree. I think he distrusts the situation that Qui-Gon presents, so in a sense he does distrust Qui-Gon's feelings towards Anakin and wanting to train him, but not necessarily the character of Qui-Gon. Qui-Gon is also known to be a sort of Jedi rebel which we learn later on, as well as the fact that he's a master not on the Council. The fact that he doesn't have Windu's full respect or trust serves the plot, I think.

Clip 2:
- Hmm, I see where you are coming from. I can absolutely create some more length to the different cuts as to not make it jarring to the audience. I thought it worked just quite right due to the increasing tension that I want, and the fact that a lot of the movie has been building towards this Senate Hearing, but I do indeed see where you are coming from.

- I'm not sure if i understand this point. You think the transition doesn't work? Or the fact that you don't see the Sidious/Maul scene? Because it is in the movie, I just haven't included it in the preview.

Clip 3:
- This idea I really like! It would probably transition better. I'll do some magic.

Thank you so much, my man! Excellent feedback! I hope the answers satisfied your concerns.

 

[Andreas]

^Regrading both to be night scenes would work perfectly. Not just to hide the changes in Maul's look, but to maintain visual consistency with the dark Senate and meditation rooms.

Thank you for your input, Zamros. It definitely should work in the edit's favour.

I'll give you all a preview when I'm satisfied with a working regrade of the scenes.

 

[Andreas]

Here is a draft of how it would look like in a more moonlight-kinda setting, near night time. It does help to establish continuity with the darker Senate Hearing scenes and the following nighttime scene with Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan. It also helps to hide some of the more visible, flawed details in the fanfilm footage.

However, if the addition of these scenes are more "bad" than good, I am actually willing to sacrifice all the parts of it except for the one scene with Sidious and Maul speaking in the scene previous to this one (that I have not released yet) and the Yoda Vision. Those scenes provide too much interesting information, Maul characterization and tone development for me to cast aside. The Sidious/Maul scene helps establish him as a subtly more fleshed out, manipulated villain.

So I'd like an honest opinion. Have in mind this footage is new to you in this setting, so watch through it with the eyes of someone who might not have seen the movie in a while or not at all. If a) distracting, tell me. If you think it works, tell me.

To me, provided how little of the "fanfilm footage" is part of the complete running time and how much of it contributes to tone and development, I think it works just well enough not to throw me off. But, I am the guy who has seen this footage 30 times over and manipulated my brain into making it into the film. Therefore I need you guys.

 

[Zamros]

The only thing that distracts me is the line reading. The actor is... Not good. Could you maybe cut the line and have it be entirely visual (with sound effects of course)?

 

[The Scribbling Man]

Definitely better. I'd agree with Zamros. That guy can't act to save his wife. Only issue I see with cutting the line is potentially having the shot of him too brief.

 

[Andreas]

Cheers!

I concur on the actor. I've seen better extras in Home Away. My concern in cutting the line is, as Scrabbling Man so wisely guessed, that the scene feels to short. However, I might have a solution. Let me try again.

 

[The Scribbling Man]

...as Scrabbling Man so wisely guessed...

I am partial to a bit of Scrabble, though I don't frequent it.

 

[CourtlyHades296]

I was really upset that Adywan isn't doing the Prequels. Thanks for filling in that void.

 

[Andreas]

...as Scrabbling Man so wisely guessed...

I am partial to a bit of Scrabble, though I don't frequent it.

Hahah! I am deeply sorry Scribbling, my love.

I was really upset that Adywan isn't doing the Prequels. Thanks for filling in that void.

Well, thank you for putting faith in me and my project!

 

[Andreas]

So here is the new Senate Hearing scene with the changes we discussed. I don't consider it necessarily finished, but a well-working draft.
FIXED:
- Flawed, visual details in the fan footage by turning it into night time.
- Removed bad Fan Actor closeups and dialogue.
- Another glimpse of the battle on Naboo between the first and last scene, to build tension and momentum.
- Extended two short half-closeups with half a second as to not feel rushed.

 

[Zamros]

Daaaamn. That's so close to perfect! Nice cutting around bad actor man.

My only note would be, I think I'd like to see Maul's eyes highlighted in that final shot of him, to make it extra sinister.

 

[Andreas]

[UPDATE]
So, I released this section of the edit waaay back, and people seemed to really like it. I hope this still is the case. This is the current iteration of it. I do not consider all the audio work finished, but working.
IDEAS:
- Putting the opening battle on the Trade Federation Ship into the end the second act, but without feeling like a retread of the opening we all know was in the original. Make it feel new and exicting.
- Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan are instructed to go look for the possible Sith, by both Yoda and Mace Windu.
- When Qui-Gon says Obi-Wan is ready for his training, Obi-Wan doesn't look at him as if betrayed. That scene now has another purpose, which is when Yoda says "Our own council we will keep on who is ready or not". Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan now looks at eachother like "these people and their damn stupid rules".

 

[Andreas]

Daaaamn. That's so close to perfect! Nice cutting around bad actor man.

My only note would be, I think I'd like to see Maul's eyes highlighted in that final shot of him, to make it extra sinister.

Cheers, brotherman! I am happy it works! I have been really stuck on the not-satisfied feeling this scene gave me for a long time, but you guys and your suggestions pulled me out of it once again.

That is actually not a bad idea at all. I'll do that. It would be the perfect imagery of a hungry wolf under the moonlight.

 

[The Scribbling Man]

Looking good! 

My feedback:

• From 1:04 there is a noticeable hiss during palatines dialogue. I'm assuming this is from turning up the volume. Can anything be done about that?
• 1:30 - it would be great to have another burst of Maul battle during the line " I was not elected to watch my people suffer and die etc..."
• Back to the forum at 1:38ish 
• Then back to where you currently have a clip works just fine.
• I would end the darth maul footage at 2:22. It's a good shot, and at the moment the close up of his face at 2:23 is my only qualm with the way you've used the footage here.
• Establishing shot at 2:27 just needs to be a fraction longer.

As Zamros says, it's very almost there.

Edit: Happy to see Zamros' suggestion on the last shot of Maul as well. Could help.