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Hitchhikers

wayne.workman2012

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Hey,

I've been working on this project for several months now. I've made a tv pilot! As the title implies, it's called Hitchhikers. All the filming is complete, editing is nearly finished.

I do have a finalized copy of the introduction clip that I wanted to share. Looking for feedback, constructive criticism appreciated! This video is unlisted. Be considerate and think twice before sharing.

Thanks and enjoy.

 

Vultural

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The third guy, with the beard, I could understand.
The first two, not so much.
Each verbal clip could have been longer.
Say seven seconds.
 

wayne.workman2012

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You're not the first person to mention that. Another guy said he couldn't understand the first.

It's a problem, and I'm probably going to replace the clip with another that's better spoken.
I'm trying to keep the intro as short as I can.

FTR, first guy "I'm glad y'all stopped and picked me up", second guy "She wound up marrying somebody else."

thank you for your help, [MENTION=17386]Vultural[/MENTION]
 

Vultural

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Mmm . . . if you subtitle those barely articulate types, it might be funnier.
Don't know if humor is what you're aiming for.
 

addiesin

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Yes, subtitles may help. For what it's worth, I didn't have trouble understanding those guys but thought the sudden second "announcer" person was jarring, and the car driving by while he was talking made it feel kind of amateur-ish. I'd get rid of that guy and stick to just one announcer dude (who I assume is you). I feel like that'd work better. Or at least get another take where there isn't a car driving by in the middle of the other guy's line.

Ultimately I think it's pretty well done and an interesting idea. Would love to see more. Seventy stars.
 

Neglify

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That was pretty good. I'd definitely like to see this show, great concept. Agree that the hitchhikers should be subtitled, and it wouldn't be odd as a lot of reality TV subtitles their more mush-mouthed characters.

The only other thing I would change about that intro is at 17 seconds, either cut out that loud screech, redub the audio or choose something else to put there. That's a great line ("In exchange for a ride, we get a story") that seems to be the backbone of the show, and it's ruined by the VROOOOOOOO SWHOOOOOOO of the cars and wind. (Addiesin brought this up as well.)

:)
 

Vultural

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As someone who hitched quite a bit in my youth I can confirm that most road bums are an interesting lot.
Stories range from tragic to hilarious to frightening to out n out twisted.
That would be normal souls.
Head cases, meth addicts and predators differ.
Hopefully this ain't just you making these, or you and a buddy.
Trust you and your crew number four or five.
I-55 slices through the heartland, much as I-40 does.
How wide are you going to roll?
 

wayne.workman2012

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Vultural said:
As someone who hitched quite a bit in my youth I can confirm that most road bums are an interesting lot.
Stories range from tragic to hilarious to frightening to out n out twisted.
That would be normal souls.
Head cases, meth addicts and predators differ.
Hopefully this ain't just you making these, or you and a buddy.
Trust you and your crew number four or five.
I-55 slices through the heartland, much as I-40 does.
How wide are you going to roll?

I myself have hitchhiked from San Diego to Missouri, twice (yes, same direction each time; long story).
I can confirm that their an interesting group.

Vultural said:
Hopefully this ain't just you making these, or you and a buddy.
Trust you and your crew number four or five.

This was my idea, I'm the host, producer, editor, all that jazz. I had one helper while on the road lol. My buddy ran the audio in the back seat. I'm looking to get picked up by a network, and hopefully the pay-per episode is enough to buy a 2-3 year old mini-van and hire a professional crew; although I don't know why I'd need 4 or 5 crew members unless you're counting one as being an editor, another being a media attorney, and one body guard perhaps... maybe.

If you were saying four or five for security reasons, my buddy and I had that covered. We follow a set of rules that I created for picking people up, pre-screening if you will.

I've picked up four on I-55 south bound. I've picked up one on I-40 west.
I'm based in St. Louis, The furthest I've drove for this is Topeka Kansas and Memphis Tennessee. If I get picked up by a network, I'd go to the interstates around Vegas, California and Florida simply because hitchhikers are more plentiful there.

This pilot is the product of two thousand dollars, three weekends, four thousand miles, and fifty-ish hours of editing.

I've re-recorded the audio for the bad spot (that was me, I just needed a haircut at the time); It fits in great. I've added subtitles and I've stretched those 3 bits out just a little, 1/2 to 1 second more each because some were a bit jarring.

addiesin said:
Ultimately I think it's pretty well done and an interesting idea. Would love to see more. Seventy stars.
Neglify said:
That was pretty good. I'd definitely like to see this show, great concept.

That's good news, and thank you! :)

For the record - I f-king love this community. I was "finished" with the intro, and you guys pushed me to make it better.

Here's the new copy, enjoy.

 

Neglify

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Nice work! And if you want anybody to preview the full pilot (once it's ready) count me in!
 

Vultural

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Get this nitpick outta the way.
"Stopped" has two p's.
The font is a little big and clunky, too.

Most of my hitching was in and around LA and wherever I could get. I think filming there might be problematical due to laws. Reason why so many are guerrilla masters.
Far as finding "characters" you got the expressway to the motherlodes.
Ozarks - Dixie - Texas - Nashville - Memphis - Louisiana - Appalachia - the Smokies
Drawls, twangs, geejaw phrases, spilling out like midnight possums. Vegas ain't the way it used to be, either.
Biggest problem I can foresee is Winter is coming on now. Hard.
Flatlands between the Dakotas and the Panhandle are long overdue for a Canadian Express.
Film a couple of episode - at least five - and start bouncing.
Get some girls, too! Summer - shorts! Flashing leg on the screen will attract males.
Great concept, nevertheless.
Push it.
 

wayne.workman2012

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Vultural said:
Biggest problem I can foresee is Winter is coming on now. Hard.

I'm not in a rush, really. There's still a few weeks of audio editing to be done.

Hopefully I can have a polished product to showcase by January, pitch it to potential networks, get all the legal matters settled, and continue with filming at the beginning of summer, 2015. There's a policy at my school district that allows non-contracted employees to take the summer break off unpaid (I'm I.T., so I'm non-contracted). I'd use that policy to go do this and bang out a whole season, hopefully.

I have a rough first cut completed, but the audio needs a lot work. It's too loud in some spots, to quiet in others. Videopad is not audio friendly but it can be done, I've found. [MENTION=9578]Neglify[/MENTION] is actually reviewing the very first cut, maybe he'll post about it here.

And, Thank you [MENTION=17386]Vultural[/MENTION] for the destination suggestions, I'll likely go with those when the time comes.
 

Neglify

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Oh hey, good timing. I just e-mailed you my feedback. :)
 

Neglify

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wayne.workman2012 said:
Neglify is actually reviewing the very first cut, maybe he'll post about it here.

I thought the first cut showed great potential. Fascinating characters, sharing some of their stories from the road. Wayne hired me to edit the show, and I'm here to show you the new Introduction. Similar in structure to what Wayne edited, with a smoother flow.


(This is in 480p for preview purposes, final show will be 720p.)

Hopefully I can show a clip or two from some of the hitchhikers featured, stay tuned.
 

hebrides

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Definitely interesting stuff! Just one small suggestion, if it can be redubbed: instead of "This is their stories," "These are their stories." It's a minor grammatical point, but I'd hate for someone you're pitching it to to get hung up on it.
Good luck with this! :)
 

wayne.workman2012

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hebrides said:
Definitely interesting stuff! Just one small suggestion, if it can be redubbed: instead of "This is their stories," "These are their stories." It's a minor grammatical point, but I'd hate for someone you're pitching it to to get hung up on it.
Good luck with this! :)
That's possible, I'll do that today. Thanks!
 

Neglify

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^Hmm, I'm still seeing it fine, even when not signed in to YouTube. Maybe a country thing? Is it down for anybody else?
 

Vultural

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OK, it's playing fine now.
Thanks.
At 45" you say, " ... just to give these guys an opportunity ..."
There is a long pause and the phrase is left hanging. Just some guitar, which one could wrongly assume means all these guys are going to sing.
You might want to tighten the pause with "... to tell their stories." or something similar.
 

wayne.workman2012

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I agree. I've thought the pause was a bit long, and the guitar shot being a bit long too, but I didn't see it as a problem till you mentioned it.
 
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